JANUARY 6, 1968

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pressure Mounts for Bombing Halt in Vietnam. Impact: If the bombing halt had been accepted, the U.S. might have avoided decades of conspiracy theories about secret negotiations with North Vietnam. Instead, we just ended up with a lot of 'what ifs' and more history classes to sit through.. Fact: The phrase 'peace talks' has been around longer than most of the people involved in them, yet somehow they still haven't figured out how to actually achieve peace!.
• Headline: Lame-Duck Senate Session in New Jersey. Impact: This lame-duck session was like a game of musical chairs, where everyone was just waiting for the music to stop, but no one wanted to admit they should’ve just left the party already. Spoiler alert: nobody got a chair.. Fact: Lame-duck sessions are like the leftovers of Congress—nobody wants them, but they just keep showing up in the fridge..
• Headline: Epidemic Sweeps NYC and NJ Regions. Impact: The outbreak of this epidemic likely led to a spike in hand sanitizer sales and the invention of the phrase 'social distancing'—because who doesn't love an excuse to avoid awkward conversations?. Fact: Epidemics and pandemics: the only time people actually look forward to seeing the word 'quarantine' pop up in their lives!.
• Headline: Ohio Representative to Run. Impact: Repr Miller running for re-election was like watching a rerun of a mediocre TV show—predictable and full of the same tired tropes, yet somehow people still tuned in.. Fact: Running for re-election is like going on a second date with someone who still has spinach in their teeth—you already know it’s not going to work out, but here we are!.
• Headline: State Is Urged to Build a Park At Coney Island's Steeplechase. Impact: The proposal to turn Steeplechase into a park was probably the first step toward revitalizing Coney Island—because who wouldn’t want to see more roller coasters instead of the remnants of a bygone era?. Fact: Coney Island’s Steeplechase Park was once the place where dreams went to die—now it's just a reminder that we should always strive to build something new..
• Headline: BUILDING CODE PANEL IS REVISED BY MAYOR. Impact: The revision of the building code was probably the city’s way of saying, 'Let’s try this again,' leading to a future where construction sites are filled with even more debates than actual building.. Fact: Building codes are like the guidelines for a recipe that everyone ignores—everybody has their own secret ingredient for disaster!.