DECEMBER 13, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trial of Composer Theodorakis on Jan. 15. Impact: If M Theodorakis had not been tried, the music world might have avoided a major political scandal, leading to a future where pop music was safe from the influence of revolutionary composers. Imagine a world where boy bands ruled unchallenged by artistic integrity!. Fact: Did you know that Theodorakis' music was so stirring that even the regime felt the need to silence him? Talk about a compliment!.
• Headline: Corruption in Narcotics Investigation Unearthed. Impact: The arrest of narcotics agents sparked a domino effect, leading to the rise of undercover operations that eventually inspired countless crime dramas. Who knew that the real-life drama would inspire so many binge-worthy shows?. Fact: Did you know that selling narcotics is illegal? Shocking revelation, I know. They should really consider putting up signs or something..
• Headline: Parking Ban Proposal for Street Cleaning. Impact: The parking ban proposal might have seemed trivial, but it created a future where 'parking wars' became a reality TV genre. Imagine the drama of urban parking, complete with alliances and betrayals!. Fact: Did you know that New Yorkers will fight over parking spaces like they're the last slice of pizza? It's practically a rite of passage..
• Headline: Ling Gets Navy Order. Impact: Ling-Temco-Vought's Navy order not only boosted their finances but also ensured that future generations of engineers would dream of military contracts instead of actual dreams. Hooray for capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that the A7E aircraft was so advanced that it could practically make coffee? Well, not really, but wouldn’t that be neat?.
• Headline: N.Y.U. Planning to Build Again on Washington Square; Addition to Be Named for Farkas, Donor of $3-Million Structure Will House Schools of Education and Social Work. Impact: N.Y.U.'s ambitious building plans set off a chain reaction of campus expansions, leading to the eventual creation of more overpriced coffee shops than classrooms. Because who needs education when you have artisanal lattes?. Fact: Did you know that naming buildings after donors is a popular way to keep alumni happy? And by happy, I mean financially obligated to donate more!.
• Headline: BONN DENOUNCED AGAIN BY MOSCOW; East Germans Also Join in Warning on West Berlin Attack Is Intensifying. Impact: Moscow's denunciation of Bonn contributed to the continued tensions in Europe, eventually leading to a series of diplomatic missteps that could fill volumes of textbooks on 'What Not to Do in International Relations.'. Fact: Did you know that denouncing Bonn was a sport in itself during the Cold War? Gold medals were definitely not awarded for diplomacy..
• Headline: Gannett Newspapers Elect. Impact: The election of newspaper group officials might have seemed mundane, but it set the stage for a future where editors would wield more power than politicians. Forget the fourth estate; it’s the first estate now!. Fact: Did you know that the real power in newspapers lies not with the journalists, but with the people who decide if the crossword puzzle gets published?.
• Headline: ALL STRIKES RULED ILLEGAL IN SPAIN; Supreme Court Terms Even Economic Walkouts Invalid Strikes Were Tolerated. Impact: The ruling against all strikes in Spain paved the way for future labor movements and protests, ultimately leading to a revolution in workers' rights that inspired countless t-shirt slogans. 'Workers of the World, Unite!' became a bestseller!. Fact: Did you know that ruling all strikes illegal was like telling people not to complain about bad coffee? You can't just ignore the problem, folks!.