NOVEMBER 30, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rising Tensions in Malaysia's Communities. Impact: These clashes would inspire countless political science dissertations, leading to the establishment of a new academic discipline known as 'How to Ignore the Obvious.'. Fact: Curfews and civil defense groups are just another way of saying, 'We have no idea what we're doing, but let's pretend we do!'.
• Headline: State Department Opposes Cambodia Naval Quarantine. Impact: The debate over the naval quarantine would eventually lead to the United States mastering the art of diplomatic tap dancing, making 'not-in-our-backyard' a national policy that echoes through history.. Fact: Turns out, the State Department's skepticism is the diplomatic equivalent of saying, 'I don't know, man, that sounds kind of fishy.'.
• Headline: U.S. BRIEF BACKS 'STOP AND FRISK'; Asks High Court to Hold Such Police Action Legal. Impact: This brief would set a precedent, leading to the creation of a whole new genre of reality TV: 'Cops: But Make It Legal.'. Fact: It's fascinating how 'stop and frisk' sounds more like a dance move than a police procedure. Who knew law enforcement could be so rhythmic?.
• Headline: NIXON WILL SPEAK AT JAVITS DINNER; Event Dec. 11 Will Also Be Campaign Fund Raiser Candidacy Not Announced. Impact: Nixon’s appearance would inadvertently pave the way for future politicians to turn fundraising dinners into 'look at me' galas, forever changing the landscape of political schmoozing.. Fact: In 1963, 'dinner party' meant something entirely different—it didn't involve fundraising or awkward small talk about the weather!.
• Headline: N.Y.U. PROTESTERS HARASS DOW AIDE; Interviews Cut Short After 200 Demand 'Free Debate' Rights vs. Freedom. Impact: The protest would inspire future generations of students to think that yelling is the best form of debate, leading to numerous campus events featuring shouting matches instead of discussions.. Fact: Harassing recruiters is just one way students have found to avoid adult responsibilities. It's basically a rite of passage!.
• Headline: GENERAL ELECTRIC ADDS 17 DIVISIONS. Impact: This corporate expansion would unknowingly lay the groundwork for the 'more divisions, more confusion' business model that would plague future CEOs.. Fact: Adding divisions is like adding toppings to a pizza; at some point, you just have to question the sanity of it all..
• Headline: Synagogue Group Lobbies for Peace. Impact: Their efforts would seed a movement that would inspire countless peace rallies, eventually evolving into a global phenomenon where everyone suddenly became an expert on international relations.. Fact: Lobbying for peace is a noble endeavor, but it really puts a damper on those who prefer their meetings filled with snacks rather than serious discussions..
• Headline: ROY JENKINS GETS CALLAGHAN'S POST IN WILSON CABINET; New Economic Chief Favors Expansionist Line--I.M.F. Credit of $1.4-Billion Set Second Most Important Post Need for Drastic Cuts ROY JENKINS GETS CALLAGHAN'S POST Protection For the Weak Stress on Civil Liberty. Impact: Jenkins’ appointment would lead to a series of economic policies that would either be hailed as genius or condemned as reckless, depending on who you ask at the pub.. Fact: In politics, every appointment is a game of 'who's going to mess this up first?' Spoiler alert: it's usually everyone..