NOVEMBER 27, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's Planned Retirement. Impact: Maharishi Mahesh Yogi retires, leading to the rise of countless new-age gurus claiming to have 'found themselves' in the local coffee shop. The world is now flooded with overpriced meditation retreats.. Fact: Did you know that after this retirement, meditation became so trendy that even dogs started meditating? True story!.
• Headline: Massachusetts Rallies Support Troops in Vietnam. Impact: Troops get rallied support in Massachusetts, which somehow leads to an uptick in 'Support Our Troops' bumper stickers, forever altering the aesthetic of American cars.. Fact: Fun fact: The first 'Support Our Troops' sticker was actually a failed marketing strategy for a car wash..
• Headline: Soviet Optimism for Gold Reserves. Impact: Soviet hopes for a gold value increase eventually leads to a worldwide gold rush where people start digging in their backyards, thinking they might strike it rich. Spoiler: they don't.. Fact: Did you know that the USSR's obsession with gold made it so they tried to replace their currency with chocolate coins? It didn't go well..
• Headline: CALCUTTA IS CALM; CURFEW IS LIFTED. Impact: Calcutta's lifted curfew leads to an unexpected surge in late-night chai drinking, paving the way for countless coffee shops that would one day claim to be 'inspired by Indian culture.'. Fact: Did you know that the chai served in those shops is often just overpriced tea bags? Authenticity is overrated!.
• Headline: Dropsie College Installs President. Impact: The installation of a new president at Dropsie College sets off a chain reaction of institutional changes, leading to the introduction of mandatory classes on how to avoid adulting.. Fact: Did you know that Dropsie College was originally founded as a school for aspiring dropouts? They had to change the name when it became too popular..
• Headline: VANCE ARRIVING IN ANKARA TODAY; A DECISION LIKELY; Greeks Are Said to Agree to Withdrawal of Some Regulars From Cyprus TURKS DARKEN 3 CITIES They Are Reported Ready to Ease War Preparations if Athens Starts Pullout. Impact: Vance's negotiations in Ankara somehow lead to a worldwide increase in the popularity of Turkish coffee, which becomes the new trendy beverage of choice for hipsters everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that Turkish coffee was once considered so strong it was banned in several countries? Probably because no one could sit still long enough to drink it!.
• Headline: Guatemalan Planter Seized By Kidnappers Is Rescued. Impact: The rescue of Herra Dorion from kidnappers spurs a surge in home security systems, leading to the invention of the 'doorbell camera'—your new best friend and nosy neighbor.. Fact: Did you know that before this incident, the only thing more common than kidnappings was people forgetting to lock their doors? Guess they learned the hard way!.
• Headline: Young Puerto Ricans to Be Taught in Spanish; Board of Education Seeks to Aid 100,000 Classified as Non-English-Speaking Other Measures Noted. Impact: The plan to teach Spanish in Puerto Rican schools leads to a revolution in bilingual education, causing future generations to perfect the art of sarcasm in two languages.. Fact: Did you know that the first bilingual joke was told in Puerto Rico and it was so bad it caused an international incident? ¡Ay caramba!.