NOVEMBER 26, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Exploring Disease CAUSES Through Archival Specimens. Impact: The discovery of disease-causing bacteria archives led to a future where public health officials became so paranoid about germs that hand sanitizer sales skyrocketed, and we ended up with a generation of people who can't even shake hands without a hazmat suit.. Fact: Did you know that in the future, people will treat germs like they’re the enemy in a sci-fi movie? Spoiler alert: they win..
• Headline: Preservation of Historic Cast-Iron Facades. Impact: Saving century-old cast-iron facades sparked a trend in nostalgic architecture, causing hipsters to flock to downtown areas and charge exorbitant prices for artisanal coffee in buildings that look like they belong in a history book.. Fact: Did you know that if you stare at a cast-iron facade long enough, you might just feel transported to 1899? Or maybe you just need to adjust your glasses..
• Headline: The Twig Was Bent. Impact: The popularity of bentwood furniture created a future where everyone believed they were interior designers, prompting countless home makeovers that resulted in the rise of reality shows featuring over-the-top renovations.. Fact: Did you know that bentwood furniture was originally designed so that your grandma could have something to complain about when you put your feet up?.
• Headline: Peace Corps Seeks Doctors To Care for Its Volunteers. Impact: By seeking doctors for its volunteers, the Peace Corps accidentally created a new subculture of ‘volunteer medical tourism,’ where doctors began to vacation in developing countries under the guise of altruism.. Fact: Fun fact: The Peace Corps once considered hiring unicorns for their magical healing powers, but apparently, they were just too hard to find..
• Headline: 2 Roman Statues Found. Impact: The discovery of Roman statues led to a sudden resurgence in the appreciation of ancient art, which in turn inspired a wave of overpriced art classes where everyone attempted to sculpt their own version of a statue and ended up with clay blobs.. Fact: Did you know that if you find ancient artifacts, you might just unlock a hidden talent? Or, more likely, you'll just be really good at dusting..
• Headline: Devaluation Spurs a Suicide. Impact: The tragic incident of a banker’s suicide after devaluation led to stricter financial regulations, which ultimately resulted in a future where everyone was too afraid to invest in anything, opting instead for under-the-mattress banking.. Fact: It's said that the mattress industry boomed after this event. Just remember, if you hide money in your mattress, don’t blame me when you find it in the form of dust bunnies..
• Headline: From Dissent to Disorder. Impact: The shift from dissent to resistance sparked a cultural revolution where dissenters became the new celebrities, leading to a wave of protest-themed merchandise that you can still find in thrift stores today.. Fact: Fun fact: In the future, people will wear protest-themed apparel as a fashion statement without even knowing what they’re protesting about. Talk about irony!.
• Headline: Hungarian Reports Illness Is Keeping Ho Chi Minh in Bed; HO CHI MINH IS ILL, A VISITOR REPORTS Norwegian Reports Illness Washington Cannot Corroborate. Impact: Ho Chi Minh's illness caused a power vacuum that allowed Premier Pham Van Dong to become a temporary puppet master, inadvertently setting the stage for future political dramas that would make any soap opera look like a documentary.. Fact: Did you know that Ho Chi Minh's sick days were considered national holidays in some circles? Because nothing says 'patriotism' like a day off..
• Headline: New Inquiry in Nazi Case. Impact: The new inquiry into the Nazi case stirred up a hornet's nest of conspiracy theories, resulting in a future where everyone became an amateur detective and started questioning their grandmother’s old photo albums.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ask a conspiracy theorist about your family history, they might just tell you that everyone in your lineage was a spy. Good luck at Thanksgiving!.