NOVEMBER 13, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gavin Critiques Vietnam War Strategy. Impact: If Gavin had been more persuasive, the U.S. might have pulled out of Vietnam sooner, leading to fewer protest songs and possibly avoiding the birth of the hipster coffee shop culture that we now endure.. Fact: The U.S. involvement in Vietnam turned many a college student into a political activist, which is probably why they still can't agree on what to do about student loans..
• Headline: Kekkonen's Strong Position in Finland 1960. Impact: Kekkonen's grip on power could have inspired a series of strongman leaders across Europe, making the continent a real-life game of Risk, but thankfully, people preferred to go with the more moderate option: endless bureaucracy.. Fact: Kekkonen was not just a politician; he was also a former ski champion. So, if politics didn’t work out, he could have always pursued a career in the Winter Olympics..
• Headline: George Wigg, Wilson Aide, Retires From British Post. Impact: Wigg’s retirement may have inadvertently influenced the future of British politics, as less experienced aides stepped up, leading to the eventual rise of some rather questionable leaders, proving that sometimes, retirement is the best career move.. Fact: George Wigg was a life peer, which sounds impressive until you realize that every time someone says 'life peer,' you can't help but wonder what kind of peer pressure they endured..
• Headline: NEW PENSION BILL GIVES BIG RAISES TO HIGH-SALARIED; Senate Pondering Adequate Social Security Benefits for Relatively Affluent DEBATE DUE THIS WEEK In Future, a Monthly Grant for Man and Wife Could Go Up as Much as 60%. Impact: This new pension bill could have led to an explosion of retirement homes being built, each equipped with bingo nights and early bird specials, forever changing the landscape of suburban America.. Fact: It's fascinating how raising the retirement income for affluent individuals somehow results in fewer bingo nights being interrupted by young people looking for their inheritance..
• Headline: Mayor Lindsay Speaks on Schools; LINDSAY SUPPORTS ROCKEFELLER RACE AS GOOD FOR G.O.P. But He Still Accepts Word of Governor that He Is Not '68 Candidate YEAR'S TENSION EASED Mayor Also Praises Percy As a Progressive in the Best Party Tradition. Impact: If Lindsay had succeeded in his political maneuvers, we might have seen a GOP that actually listened to its members instead of a perpetual cycle of infighting, but then again, where would the drama be?. Fact: Mayor Lindsay's support for Rockefeller was about as useful as bringing a knife to a gunfight—it's nice to have, but ultimately, it just makes you a target..
• Headline: RED UNITS RAIDED BY SPANISH POLICE; Illegal Communist Groups Said to Foment Unrest. Impact: The raids on communist groups in Spain could have sparked a new wave of political dissent, leading to secret underground meetings that were about as effective as a comedy show in a library.. Fact: It's ironic that illegal groups were accused of fomenting unrest, when in reality, their biggest crime was probably not having a proper PR strategy..
• Headline: Cookies Are Given to Class; 2' Coeds Go on 'Bad Trips'. Impact: The LSD cookies incident may have led to universities becoming stricter about campus events, resulting in a generation of students who are now just afraid of cookies.. Fact: It’s not every day that a sociology class ends up in the hospital, but hey, at least they weren't studying the effects of kale smoothies..
• Headline: STATE G.O.P. PLANS CHARTER SALVAGE; Sets Up 18-Member Group to Enact 'Worthy' Parts of Rejected Document. Impact: The effort to salvage parts of the rejected Constitution could have inadvertently led to the creation of a new, even more confusing document, effectively making the Constitution the ultimate game of political Jenga.. Fact: Creating a 'worthy' version of the Constitution sounds like a political makeover show, where the ultimate prize is a chance to be even more convoluted than before..