OCTOBER 29, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Humor in the Yellow Peril Debate. Impact: The 'Yellow Peril' debate led to a mass panic that resulted in a global fear of anything remotely yellow. In a bizarre twist, this ultimately caused the fashion industry to ban yellow clothing for a decade, leading to the rise of the 'color beige' as a fashion statement. Humanity collectively agreed that beige was the solution to all problems.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'yellow peril' was used so often it became the go-to excuse for people who just couldn’t handle spicy food?.
• Headline: Consol Oil & Gas Acquires Four Corners Oil. Impact: When Consol Oil & Gas bought Four Corners Oil, they accidentally unleashed a secret society of oil barons who now meet in underground bunkers to discuss how to make the world run on oil instead of renewable resources. Spoiler alert: it didn't go well for the planet.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Consol' actually stands for 'Consolidated Solutions for Oil-ing Things Up.' Just kidding, it means nothing, but wouldn’t that be catchy?.
• Headline: Progress in School Integration Efforts. Impact: This integration movement sparked a series of events that culminated in a nationwide game of 'musical chairs' where schools kept shifting around trying to find a racially balanced mix. It eventually led to everyone realizing that kids just want to play and be friends, regardless of color.. Fact: Did you know that before integration, schoolyard arguments were mostly about who had the best lunch? Thank goodness for small victories!.
• Headline: Look Will Excerpt Book by Kennedy; LOOK TO EXCERPT BOOK BY KENNEDY. Impact: Kennedy's book excerpts set off a literary chain reaction where every politician felt compelled to write a memoir, resulting in a spike in sales for ghostwriters and a dramatic increase in the number of political scandals revealed in print. The world has never been the same since.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more controversial than the book's content was the fact that it didn't come with a side of fries?.
• Headline: Baptists Acquire Nonprofit Housing; Corporation Formed Baptists Go Into Realty Developments Taxed. Impact: The Baptists' foray into real estate turned into a nationwide trend of churches becoming landlords, leading to the creation of a new reality show called 'Holy Homes.' Spoiler: nobody found it holy after the first season.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'God helps those who help themselves' was originally coined as a slogan for landlords?.
• Headline: JOHNSON AND DIAZ FORMALLY SETTLE BOUNDARY DISPUTE; Two Chiefs Arrive in Juarez and Transfer 437 Acres of Territory to Mexico AGREEMENT IS HAILED U.S. President Terms Pact Example of How Nation Honors Commitments. Impact: The boundary settlement sparked a series of treaties that made every other nation involved question why they hadn't thought of settling their disputes with a nice handshake and a taco party. Global relations improved—at least until the next election cycle.. Fact: Did you know that President Johnson's idea of a 'boundary dispute' was actually just a disagreement over whose turn it was to buy lunch?.
• Headline: Gas Drillers Go Deep; No Real Boom. Impact: The deep gas drilling led to an unexpected discovery of underground dance clubs where the gas was replaced with a new, environmentally friendly energy source. Unfortunately, the dance clubs were so deep that no one ever found them again.. Fact: Did you know that deep drilling is actually just a fancy way of saying 'we're really curious about what’s under there'?.
• Headline: Cup Elimination Series Wins Support; 4 COUNTRIES SEEK CHALLENGER ROLE Trials Off Newport to Pick Top Contender Gain Favor Among Yachtsmen. Impact: The quest for the next America's Cup challenger turned yacht racing into a reality TV spectacle, complete with dramatic music and overly emotional competitors. Spoiler: the winner was always the one with the biggest budget.. Fact: Did you know that yacht racing is just an excuse for rich people to get wet in fancy boats?.
• Headline: Philadelphia's Rittenhouse Square Is Tower Site; Area of Affluence. Impact: The new tower in Rittenhouse Square sparked a mini real estate boom, with developers racing to build the next 'must-have' skyscraper. In just a few years, Philadelphia could only be recognized by its skyline of 'overly ambitious' structures.. Fact: Did you know that Rittenhouse Square was originally named 'Ritt's House,' but they thought it sounded too informal for a place of affluence?.