OCTOBER 19, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Runaway Flower Child in Long Island. Impact: This young runaway's adventure inspired future generations to believe that escaping to the suburbs was a viable way to find themselves, leading to a long line of suburban youths trading their comforts for 'authentic' experiences. Thanks to her, today’s Instagram influencers have an endless supply of 'deep' quotes about self-discovery while sipping lattes in overpriced cafes. Fact: The term 'flower child' was originally meant to be a beautiful metaphor until it became synonymous with, 'I've decided to live in a van and not shower for a week.'.
• Headline: Venus Unveiled: Hostile Conditions Revealed. Impact: The confirmation that Venus is inhospitable led to a collective sigh of relief among the population trying to decide whether to book a vacation there. It also sparked a surge in enthusiasm for Mars, which eventually led to a whole new level of competition for 'best planet to colonize.'. Fact: Venus is so inhospitable that if you tried to start a garden there, you'd probably end up with a compost pile that could roast marshmallows.
• Headline: TWO DIARIES READ AT DEBRAY TRIAL; Bolivian Prosecution Seeks to Show He Was Guerrilla. Impact: The reading of these diaries transformed the public's perception of guerrilla movements, leading to a rise in both respect and romanticization of rebellion, inspiring countless 'rebel' Halloween costumes and a whole new genre of music. Fact: Reading someone else's diary is considered a breach of privacy, unless you're in a courtroom—then it's just evidence!.
• Headline: DEBATERS ON WAR URGED TO 'COOL IT'; Goldberg Asks Tolerance in Talk at Waldorf. Impact: Goldberg's call for cooler heads prevailed, leading to a series of diplomatic discussions that frequently ended in awkward silence. This laid the groundwork for future UN meetings where everyone pretended to care about each other's opinions but secretly checked their phones. Fact: The Waldorf was chosen for this meeting because nothing says 'let's talk about war' like a five-star hotel with a room service menu longer than the average peace treaty.
• Headline: Thant Cautions U.N. On Its Financial Plight. Impact: Thant's warning about the U.N.'s finances triggered an ongoing cycle of funding crises that would later inspire countless memes about the U.N. being the 'broke friend' of international relations. Fact: The U.N. has been in need of cash for so long that they might as well start passing the hat around at their meetings. 'Can we just get a dollar from everyone for the snack fund?'.
• Headline: DR. KING IS ORDERED TO JAIL IN CONTEMPT. Impact: Dr. King's sentencing sent shockwaves throughout the civil rights movement, igniting a firestorm of activism that would ultimately lead to significant changes in laws and attitudes surrounding equality in America. Fact: Dr. King's time in jail was just one of many sacrifices he made in the fight for civil rights, which makes your complaints about waiting in line for coffee seem rather trivial in comparison.
• Headline: HUMPHREY DEFINES CONTAINMENT GOAL. Impact: Humphrey's clarification on containment goals shaped U.S. foreign policy for decades, leading to a complex relationship with China that can only be described as 'it's complicated' on social media. Fact: The term 'containment' was originally meant for foreign policy, but it could just as easily apply to how we keep our relatives from discussing politics at family gatherings.