SEPTEMBER 20, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mexican Airline Faces Liquidation Decision. Impact: If this airline had liquidated, the ripple effect would have led to millions of disgruntled vacationers suddenly realizing they’d have to drive to their destinations—cue a boom in road trip snacks and an explosion of 'Are we there yet?' complaints.. Fact: Airlines weighing liquidation is just the industry’s way of saying, 'We’re not saying it’s over, but have you considered traveling by train?'.
• Headline: Adzhubei Arrested in Moscow Incident. Impact: Adzhubei's accident would lead to a series of unfortunate traffic laws being enacted, including mandatory bumper stickers proclaiming 'I brake for historical figures.'. Fact: Car accidents involving important people often lead to more laws than actual safety improvements. Thanks, Adzhubei!.
• Headline: Historic Victory for Episcopal Women. Impact: The approval of women's voting rights in the House of Deputies would eventually inspire a global movement, leading to the phrase 'Can you believe we ever had to fight for this?' becoming a popular meme.. Fact: Women fighting for their right to vote is the original 'I want to speak to the manager' moment, just with higher stakes..
• Headline: 2 SAVINGS GROUPS AGREE ON LAW AIM; Organizations Representing Mutual Banks and S.&L. Associations Set Plan MEMBERS TO STUDY IT Proposed Revision of H.R. 15 Could Benefit Both Types of Thrift Institutions 2 SAVINGS GROUPS AGREE ON LAW AIM. Impact: The agreement between savings groups likely sparked a series of overly complicated financial products that only accountants can understand—leading to the eventual rise of the term 'financial jargon.'. Fact: When savings groups agree on anything, it’s usually just to make sure they don’t accidentally agree on a taco night instead..
• Headline: 178th Cosmos is Launched. Impact: The launch of Cosmos 178 would eventually lead to a fascination with space exploration, resulting in countless sci-fi movies and the classic line 'In space, no one can hear you scream,' which is just as comforting as it sounds.. Fact: Cosmos 178 may have been just another satellite, but it paved the way for future space missions—and your future binge-watching of alien documentaries..
• Headline: AIR GENERAL CITES NEED FOR LAND WAR. Impact: Lt Gen Momyer’s call for a land war likely inspired a chain reaction of military strategists believing that dropping more bombs is the best way to win friends and influence people—spoiler alert: it’s not.. Fact: The idea of winning a war by simply bombing the enemy is like believing you can win a game of chess by tossing the board in your opponent's face..
• Headline: C.P.A. Group Asks Revision on Taxes; C.P.A. GROUP ASKS NEW RULE ON TAX. Impact: The CPA group's proposal would later become a convoluted tax code that accountants would use to justify their existence—leading to an annual surge in coffee consumption during tax season.. Fact: Tax rules are like your in-laws: they just keep getting more complicated, and you can never seem to make them happy..
• Headline: Governor Asks Church-Pupil Aid And Funds for Medicaid Burden; Urges Separate Ballot Rockefeller Supports Aid for Church Schools. Impact: Governor Rockefeller’s push for church-pupil aid would set off a heated debate about the separation of church and state, leading to more political ads than anyone would care to watch.. Fact: Asking for aid for church schools is like asking your parents for money while pretending to be responsible—good luck with that!.
• Headline: Former Banker Pleads Guilty To Amex Stock Manipulation; EX-BANKER GUILTY OF STOCK RIGGING. Impact: The stock manipulation case would serve as a cautionary tale for future bankers, leading to an array of 'How Not to Commit Fraud' seminars that no one would actually attend.. Fact: Stock manipulation is basically the financial equivalent of being caught cheating on a test—except the stakes are a little higher and the penalties a lot less humorous..