SEPTEMBER 18, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Detroit Teachers Vote on New Contract Offer. Impact: Had the Detroit teachers chosen to endorse the contract immediately, an entire generation of students might have been taught the value of compromise—though probably more importantly, the union would have forgotten how to throw a good rally.. Fact: The art of teacher strikes is so complex that it could probably be a new Olympic sport, complete with synchronized picketing!.
• Headline: Tragic Seaplane Crash on Whitewater Lake. Impact: The crash of this seaplane inadvertently sparked a surge in aviation safety regulations. Eventually, someone would argue that stricter rules led to the invention of the in-flight snack—because who doesn’t love a pretzel while contemplating their life choices?. Fact: Seaplanes were once considered the 'cool' way to travel—until people realized they still had to deal with turbulence and snacks that are more air than substance..
• Headline: São Paulo Biennial Opening Festivities. Impact: The Sao Paulo Bienal's opening day set off a chain reaction in the art world, leading to the eventual creation of 'artistic' cocktails, where one could sip on a 'Pollock' while attempting to interpret the meaning of splattered paint.. Fact: If only politicians knew how to party as well as artists, maybe the world would be a much less serious place!.
• Headline: Swedish Policeman Killed. Impact: The tragic death of the policeman led to increased safety measures for motorcycle officers, sparking a new trend in protective gear that would eventually lead to the neon uniforms seen today—because who needs stealth when you can be a traffic cone?. Fact: Motorcycle police have one of the toughest jobs—balancing high-speed chases with looking good in leather, all while dodging traffic!.
• Headline: F.A.A. IS PRESSING FOR MORE FUNDS IN SAFETY DRIVE; Pleads for White House Aid to Add Traffic Controllers, Towers and Equipment. Impact: The FAA's plea for funds marked the beginning of America's obsession with air travel safety that would lead to more airport security than a high-stakes spy movie—where every passenger becomes a potential suspect.. Fact: If the FAA had succeeded earlier, maybe we wouldn't have had to endure the invention of the liquid limit at airports—because who doesn't love chugging shampoo before a flight?.
• Headline: Mayor Bids Board Add School Days to Make Up for Lost Time. Impact: The mayor's plan to add school days to the calendar inadvertently led to the invention of the summer school program, which is like normal school but with the added fun of heat and boredom.. Fact: Adding school days is a lot like adding broccoli to a pizza—nobody's really excited about it, but we pretend it's for our own good!.
• Headline: G.O.P. IN STRUGGLE IN NORTH CAROLINA; Gubernatorial Battle Could Lead to Spring Primary. Impact: The G.O.P.'s struggle in North Carolina paved the way for political dynasties, leading to a slew of family names that would become synonymous with scandal—because nothing says 'American Dream' like nepotism.. Fact: Political battles are a lot like sports—lots of shouting, questionable refereeing, and at the end, only a few people leave happy..
• Headline: Israel to Aim TV at Arabs. Impact: Israel's decision to aim TV at Arabs initiated a media war, which would eventually lead to reality TV—because nothing says 'understanding' like watching people compete for attention on screen.. Fact: Broadcasting to occupied areas is like trying to sell ice to Eskimos—except in this case, the ice is the news, and everyone's still trying to figure out if it's good for them..
• Headline: Johnson Eulogizes Sandburg as a 'Vital' American; JOHNSON PRAISES SANDBURG'S WORK. Impact: Johnson's eulogy for Sandburg signaled a shift in how America viewed its poets, leading to the rise of poet-celebrities who would later inspire Instagram accounts dedicated to deep quotes and sunsets.. Fact: If only every poet received a eulogy like Sandburg's, maybe we’d see more people embracing their inner Shakespeare instead of just posting cat memes..