AUGUST 14, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Legacy of John A. Ryan. Impact: If John A. Ryan had never existed, perhaps no one would have ever invented the concept of unnecessary middle initials, which would have saved countless trees from being turned into legal documents. The world might have been spared the agony of deciding whether to use 'A.' or 'A' in names.. Fact: John A. Ryan's full name is a mystery even to historians. Was it Albert or Augustus? The world may never know, but his initials live on in bureaucratic hell..
• Headline: Remembering Will Bingham: Wrestling Champion. Impact: The death of Will Bingham likely set off a chain reaction in the wrestling world. Without him, new champions may have never learned the art of the dramatic pinfall, leading to a world where wrestling is just a bunch of people hugging each other.. Fact: At 92, Will Bingham had more medals than some countries have flags. His legacy? He probably still could have taken down half the current WWE roster..
• Headline: Nigeria's Rebels Advance in Northern Region. Impact: The Nigerian rebels' drive to the north inadvertently sparked a global interest in Nigerian cuisine. Little did they know that their rebellion would lead to the rise of jollof rice parties worldwide, where people would argue over who makes it best.. Fact: Rebelling and capturing towns? A classic case of 'I came for the independence, but I stayed for the jollof rice.'.
• Headline: COAST GROUP ASKS AID FOR ANGUILLA; Seeks Financial Backing for Isle's Independence Drive. Impact: The push for Anguilla's independence has inspired countless island getaways for those seeking to escape responsibilities. If only everyone knew that they could just claim independence over their couch instead.. Fact: The Anguilla independence movement was funded by donors who probably thought they were just investing in a new vacation destination. Spoiler: they were..
• Headline: Hoffa Lawyer Disputes Article On Senator Long's Share of Fees. Impact: The dispute over Senator Long's fees initiated a new trend in legal representation that involved lawyers arguing about fees instead of actual cases, leading to the very riveting world of lawyering for lawyer fees.. Fact: In the world of lawyers, the real question is always, 'Who’s taking home the biggest slice of the pie?' Spoiler alert: It’s almost never the client..
• Headline: F.H.A. Moving to Aid the Poor in Downtown Slums. Impact: The FHA's push to aid the poor may have inadvertently introduced the concept of 'urban chic' to fashion, where people started wearing torn clothing ironically. They didn’t see that coming!. Fact: The FHA's efforts to aid the poor in slums was like offering a Band-Aid to a patient needing a heart transplant. Nice try, but come on!.
• Headline: Anguilla's Spokesman; Jeremiah Gumbs. Impact: Jeremiah Gumbs may have inspired countless future spokespeople to adopt the name ‘Gumbs’ in hopes of sounding more authoritative. Who knew a name could have such a lasting impact?. Fact: It's said that if you say 'Jeremiah Gumbs' three times, you summon a spokesperson for every island nation. Try it at your next party!.
• Headline: SOUTH AFRICA CURB ON PRESS IS FEARED. Impact: The fear of press curbs in South Africa ultimately led to international journalists being more creative with their reporting, resulting in the birth of the 'fake news' phenomenon we know and love today.. Fact: In South Africa, the press curbs were so tight that journalists started reporting on the weather in code just to get a story out. 'Cloudy with a chance of oppression' was a fan favorite..
• Headline: Air Force Photo Shows Hits Made During Attack on Bridge at Hanoi. Impact: The Air Force's photo attack on the bridge at Hanoi became a pivotal moment in military strategy discussions, leading to the invention of the phrase 'let’s just bomb it and see what happens.'. Fact: The smoke rising from the Doumer bridge was a dramatic reminder that sometimes, the real damage is done after the camera clicks. Just ask the bridge!.