AUGUST 6, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Escalation of US Troops in Vietnam. Impact: The frustration over troop increases inadvertently sparked a global movement for peace, leading to the creation of 'Peace Pits,' where people would gather to yell their frustrations into a bottomless pit instead of sending more troops.. Fact: Did you know that yelling into a pit is scientifically proven to be more effective than political negotiations? Just ask whoever dug the pit!.
• Headline: Johns Hopkins Awaits New Research Catamaran. Impact: The delay in the delivery of this catamaran resulted in a mass uprising of marine researchers, who took to the seas in inflatable pool toys, forcing the university to rethink their entire oceanographic program. They still haven't recovered.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever need to impress someone at a party, just mention catamarans. It’s the ocean version of a fancy sports car..
• Headline: $780,000 Whitney Gems Stolen; Home at Saratoga Is Robbed While Couple Are Out. Impact: The theft led to a nationwide spike in home security sales, as everyone suddenly felt like their gems were next. This eventually paved the way for the invention of the home security 'Gem Guard,' because you can never be too careful with your baubles.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of theft, the FBI considers jewel thieves to be the 'real gem' of society? Just kidding. They actually don’t..
• Headline: SUEZ IS BYPASSED BY ISRAELI ROUTE; Cargo Trucked From Elath to the Mediterranean. Impact: This bypass led to a chain reaction of alternative trade routes being established, including the infamous 'Pineapple Express' that turned out to be a series of fruit trucks. Now, pineapple is a global trade commodity and a favorite pizza topping. Thanks, Suez!. Fact: Did you know that if you stack enough pineapples, you can create an entire new shipping lane? Okay, not really, but it sounds good, right?.
• Headline: Bouncing Bet. Impact: The editorial on Bouncing Bet accidentally inspired a whole generation of wildflower enthusiasts who believed that flowers could bounce back from any setback, leading to an untimely rise in botany Instagram influencers.. Fact: Did you know that wildflowers are the original bouncers? They can handle a rough crowd, unlike the bouncers at your local bar..
• Headline: WORLD-WIDE ACCEPTS NEW BULK CARRIER. Impact: This delivery was so smooth that it inspired a series of maritime puns that swept the shipping industry. The 'Bulk Carrier' became a cultural icon, leading to a whole genre of shipping-themed comedy shows.. Fact: Did you know that bulk carriers have more fans than rock bands? They just don’t have the same flashy stage presence, which is a shame..
• Headline: U.S. AID PROMISED FOR EAST HARLEM; F.H.A. Tentatively Agrees to Finance Mortgage for Slum Block's Renewal. Impact: This promise of aid inadvertently led to the rise of hipster cafes in the area, which changed East Harlem's entire vibe. Now, instead of slum blocks, you have artisanal toast shops everywhere. Because who doesn’t want to pay $10 for toast?. Fact: Did you know that hipsters have a sixth sense for finding the next up-and-coming neighborhood? It's like their superpower, except it’s really just gentrification in disguise..