JUNE 11, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Oil Price-Fixing Lawsuit in Salt Lake City. Impact: As the oil dealers in Salt Lake City launched their price-fixing suit, a ripple effect sent shockwaves through the economy. This led to the birth of the 'Oil Price Conspiracy Theories' subreddit, where conspiracy theorists now argue that oil companies are actually run by lizard people. Who knew a lawsuit could fuel such creativity?. Fact: Did you know that the average price of gasoline fluctuates more than your average teenager's mood? .
• Headline: Dismantling Hales Bar Dam Begins. Impact: Tearing down Hales Bar Dam was just the start of a cascade of dam removals. This sparked a nationwide trend where everyone suddenly thought they could just tear down anything named 'dam' without consequence. Cue the Great Dam Removal Movement of 2025, where people began removing 'dam' from their vocabulary entirely.. Fact: Hales Bar Dam was once the first hydroelectric dam on the Tennessee River. Now it's just a really expensive pile of rubble..
• Headline: Mulhern's Challenge: Ending Deficits at B. & M.. Impact: As Mulhern tackled deficits, he unknowingly inspired future executives to adopt the 'just ignore the problem and hope it goes away' strategy. This would later lead to countless meetings about 'synergy' that achieved absolutely nothing.. Fact: Did you know that deficits are like laundry? The more you ignore them, the bigger they get!.
• Headline: Oh, That Midday Sun; Expert Watches British Soccer Club Swelter on Coast, Lose Poise in Texas. Impact: As British soccer clubs sweltered in Texas, the U.S. Soccer Football Association's recognition of the National Pro Soccer League caused a chain reaction. It triggered a series of amateur soccer leagues that would eventually lead to the rise of 'soccer moms' and their overzealous snack provisions.. Fact: Fun fact: Soccer was invented so that people could argue about it without worrying about the score—oh wait, that’s just how it feels sometimes!.
• Headline: PATTERN ERRATIC FOR COMMODITIES; Prices Ride Roller-Coaster in Response to Fighting. Impact: The erratic patterns in commodities prices due to fighting resulted in a global obsession with day trading. This eventually led to the birth of the phrase 'buy low, sell high' becoming the mantra of every wannabe millionaire and their unfortunate TikTok accounts.. Fact: Commodities prices are like roller coasters: thrilling, unpredictable, and likely to make you scream at your computer..
• Headline: Beware The Snide. Impact: Green's warning about being snide paved the way for a new era of passive-aggressive communications, leading to the invention of the 'snide emoji' in the 2020s. Thanks, B.K. Green, for giving us a way to be sarcastic without using words!. Fact: Horse trading is not just for politicians; it’s also how many of us negotiate for the last slice of pizza!.
• Headline: Midwest Plans Water Parley. Impact: The Midwest Water Parley set a precedent for annual conferences that would become the ultimate excuse for officials to avoid actual work. This led to the rise of conference tourism, where attendees collect business cards like Pokémon.. Fact: Water resource discussions often lead to more arguments than actual solutions, proving once again that humans can complicate anything!.
• Headline: CITY CHETTOS GET PLANS FOR SUMMER; Many-Pronged Aid Projects List Entertainment, Job Offers and Sports City Ghettos Getting Summer Help on Many Fronts. Impact: The summer aid projects for city ghettos created a new paradigm in urban assistance, which soon spiraled into a competition between cities to see who could throw the best summer festival. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t about helping people anymore.. Fact: When it comes to summer projects, it turns out that the number of hot dogs served at events is a more accurate indicator of success than actual aid delivered!.
• Headline: Medicine in Mideast; Israel Is Found Far Superior to Arabs In Meeting Rehabilitation Problems. Impact: Dr. Rusk's comparison of medical systems led to a never-ending debate on Twitter, spawning the hashtag #BetterThanYou, and igniting a healthcare rivalry that would cloud discussions for years to come.. Fact: The Arab-Israeli conflict has taught us one thing: even in medicine, competition is fierce, but it’s the patients who end up paying the price..