JUNE 7, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: U.S. Evacuation Flights from Libya and Beirut. Impact: The U.S. sending planes for evacuations led to a long-standing tradition of overreacting to crises. Soon, they'll be sending planes for minor inconveniences like traffic jams. Fact: In the history of evacuations, this was just the beginning of a trend where the U.S. would treat its citizens like they were the last lifeboats on the Titanic.
• Headline: TOWN AIDE RULED OUT AS A NEWSMAN. Impact: This ruling could have led to a world where town officials also moonlight as journalists, potentially creating a reality TV show called 'Conflict of Interest: The Series.'. Fact: Turns out, town selectmen can't be newsmen. Who knew that reporting on town gossip and governing could be mutually exclusive? What a plot twist!.
• Headline: Nebraska Legislature Kills Open Housing Bill, 28 to 21. Impact: Killing the open housing bill initiated a domino effect of housing segregation debates that would last for decades, ensuring that Nebraska remained a hotbed of legislative 'no' votes. Fact: The Nebraska Legislature's rejection of this bill was a classic case of 'let’s not fix the problem, but instead make sure it stays broken.'.
• Headline: RUDOLPH S. TEDESCO. Impact: Rudolph Tedesco’s mere existence likely inspired several conspiracy theories about the secret lives of people with unassuming names. Who knows what else he could have accomplished if we only knew more?. Fact: With a name like Rudolph, one would expect him to be leading a team of reindeer, not just quietly existing in the historical record.
• Headline: Adm-Charles Lockwood Dead; Led Pacific Submarine Force. Impact: Admiral Lockwood's leadership in the Pacific submarine force changed naval tactics, but his passing left a void that submariners filled with more memes than tactics. Fact: Lockwood was instrumental during a time when submarines were basically the ninjas of the sea. Silent, deadly, and great at hiding.
• Headline: This Is My Day' for Otepka As Dismissal Hearing Opens. Impact: Otepka's case could have resulted in a new era of whistleblowing, had it not been for the fact that people often prefer to stay silent when they hear something suspicious. Yawn!. Fact: The Otepka case is the perfect example of how government secrets are like bad relationships—everyone knows they're there, but no one wants to talk about them.
• Headline: Two States Halt Oil To U.S. and Britain; Kuwait and Iraq Cut Off Oil Flow to U.S. and Britain. Impact: This oil embargo was like the world's worst breakup; it forced the U.S. and Britain to reconsider their dependency on others. They ended up turning to alternative energy sources, which led to an awkward 'we can still be friends' phase. Fact: The oil crisis taught us that sometimes you don't realize how much you depend on someone until they stop answering your calls at 2 AM.