JUNE 5, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Noise Levels Rise in NYC Hospitals. Impact: The quest for quiet in hospitals led to the invention of the world's first noise-canceling hospital gown, which ironically made patients feel like they were being wrapped in an awkward, silent burrito.. Fact: Hospitals have always been known for their soothing ambiance, right? Just like a rock concert, but with more needles and fewer headbanging..
• Headline: Tragic British Plane Crash Claims 72 Lives. Impact: This tragic plane crash led to the invention of the 'Flight Risk' app, which alerts you if your flight is on a plane that has had more crashes than the average video game character.. Fact: It's said that flying is one of the safest modes of transportation, unless you're on a British plane in the '60s, in which case, it's like playing Russian roulette with a jet engine..
• Headline: Casals Critiques Vietnam War Policies. Impact: Casals's criticism sparked a secret society of concert conductors who vowed to only play the most dramatic overtures in protest, effectively making every concert sound like the climax of a soap opera.. Fact: Criticizing a president's war policy is kind of like pointing out that the Emperor has no clothes—everyone sees it, but no one wants to address the awkwardness..
• Headline: Books of The Times; People of the South in the Stress of Change. Impact: The publication of this book caused a butterfly effect that led to every 'southern' stereotype being reinforced in Hollywood for decades to come, resulting in the birth of the 'southern gothic' genre, complete with banjos and existential dread.. Fact: The stress of change—much like the stress of finding the remote control—can lead to existential crises and binge-watching therapy sessions..
• Headline: LANDLORDS TOLD TO SIGN CONTRACT OR FACE RENT CUT; Berman Warns That City Won't Hesitate to Restore Controls if Necessary SERVICES ARE RESUMED Lindsay Will Present Plan to the Council to Help Owners Meet Part of New Costs. Impact: The threat of rent cuts led to a secret underground movement where landlords began hiding in their own basements, plotting their next move like characters in a bad mystery novel.. Fact: In the world of rent control, landlords are like cats: they will scratch and hiss until they get what they want, then pretend they were just being sweet all along..
• Headline: VIOLENCE FLARES IN BOSTON AGAIN; Negro Youth Gangs Smash Windows and Set Fires --Mayor Seeks Accord. Impact: This outbreak of violence led to an entire generation of Boston youths developing a peculiar fondness for peaceful protests, which somehow involved a lot of chanting and very little window smashing.. Fact: Boston's history of violence is as rich as its coffee, which is to say, it's dark, bitter, and sometimes makes you question your life choices..
• Headline: Nyerere Presses Economic Reform. Impact: Nyerere's economic reforms led to a bizarre new trend where regional leaders began to hold cooperative meetings over shared plates of ugali, thinking it would solve all their problems—spoiler alert: it didn't.. Fact: When politicians talk about economic cooperation, it's usually code for 'let's all agree to ignore our problems while enjoying some nice local cuisine.'.
• Headline: Soviet Officials End Tour. Impact: The secret tour of warships led to a sudden spike in conspiracy theories about Arctic sea monsters, which somehow became a bestseller, overshadowing actual war policies.. Fact: Soviet leaders touring warships is just like middle school kids sneaking into the teacher's lounge—full of intrigue, and nobody really knows what's going on..