MAY 18, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Railway Brakemen Resolve Payment Dispute. Impact: Had the railway brakemen not settled their dispute over health and welfare payments, the entire industry might have spiraled into chaos. Imagine a world where trains run off the tracks because brakemen are too busy negotiating snack breaks. It could have led to a new form of transportation: roller-skating delivery services.. Fact: Did you know that without these guys, trains would just be glorified roller coasters? Talk about a bumpy ride!.
• Headline: US Jets Target Missile Sites in Buffer Zone. Impact: This attack on missile sites may have led to a significant increase in military spending, resulting in a never-ending cycle of arms races and defense budgets. In an alternate timeline, this conflict created a 'Missile Olympics' where nations compete for the most creative missile designs.. Fact: Fun fact: 'buffer zone' really means 'let's avoid this area until it gets too hot to handle.'.
• Headline: Auction of Historic Suits for Preservation. Impact: The sale of Kennedy's suits could have led to a bizarre fashion trend where political attire becomes collector's items, culminating in a reality show called 'Dressed to Impress: The Politician Edition.'. Fact: Did you know that wearing a deceased politician's suit is like wearing a time capsule? Just hope it doesn't come with their baggage!.
• Headline: Job Panel Nominee Backed. Impact: Ah, a job panel nominee getting approved! This could set off a chain reaction of endless bureaucratic meetings and paperwork. Imagine a future where we elect a committee to elect a committee to discuss the committee's findings.. Fact: Fun fact: if you ever wonder why things move so slowly in government, just remember that 'efficiency' is a word they’ve never heard of..
• Headline: Soviet to Delay Soyuz Space Tests. Impact: The delay of the Soyuz tests could have caused a ripple effect in the space race, resulting in a shift of focus from exploration to intergalactic bake sales, where the winning recipe is sent to Mars.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'Soyuz' means 'union' in Russian? Kind of ironic when you consider how many delays they had!.
• Headline: Hungarian Envoy Defects; In Washington Since 1962; Radvanyi Played Role in Improving Relations-- U.S. to Give Refuge. Impact: This defection could have sparked a trend of diplomats jumping ship, leading to a diplomatic game of musical chairs where the last one standing wins a lifetime supply of coffee.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic defections are like political reality shows? Everyone's just waiting to see who throws the first punch!.
• Headline: Credit Association Elects. Impact: The election of L.H. Koogle could have paved the way for a new wave of credit associations, leading to a bizarre future where credit scores are determined by your social media likes. Welcome to the dystopia!. Fact: Did you know that in the world of finance, L.H. Koogle sounds like a name that screams 'trust me with your money'—even though nobody really does?.
• Headline: Waste Charged in Vietnam Build-Up. Impact: The allegations of waste during the Vietnam build-up might have sparked an eternal debate over military spending, leading to a future where every politician must pass a 'Waste Awareness' course before taking office.. Fact: Tragically, waste is not just a problem for the environment; it's a political sport too. Spoiler alert: no one wins..
• Headline: THANT SEES PERIL IN MIDEAST UNREST; He Cancels a Trip and Holds Emergency Meetings on Warning From Cairo. Impact: Thant's decision to cancel his trip could have led to unforeseen diplomatic repercussions, resulting in a future where every UN meeting is held via hologram to avoid any potential unrest.. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy often resembles a game of chess? Except in this case, all the pieces are on fire..
• Headline: TIMES IS DISPUTED ON PARADE FIGURES. Impact: The dispute over parade figures could have sparked a national trend in competitive number accuracy, leading to future parades where participants would have to carry calculators instead of banners.. Fact: Did you know that if the NY Times is wrong about parade figures, they might just have to start a whole new section called 'Parade Fiction'?.