MAY 8, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yemeni Chief Negotiates U.S. Aid Terms. Impact: If al-Salal's terms had been taken seriously, we might have seen a whole new diplomatic era where Yemen became a model for U.S. relations. Or maybe a series of sitcoms about a guy who could never get a good deal.. Fact: Did you know that asking for aid while simultaneously forgiving assassination plots is not in any diplomatic handbook? It's more of a 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' gone wrong..
• Headline: Cardinal Spellman's Call for Troop Support. Impact: This call to support troops might have created a ripple effect, leading to an influx of coffee mugs and bumper stickers that read 'Support Our Troops'—a trend that’s still going strong in 2023.. Fact: Fun fact: Supporting troops in Vietnam was like supporting a bad movie franchise—everyone knew it was a disaster, but somehow, it kept getting sequels..
• Headline: Helicopter Crash Sparks Grenade Explosion. Impact: This tragic incident likely led to stricter safety protocols for military helicopters, which is a good thing—unless you're a fan of dramatic action movie scenes.. Fact: Helicopters are often called 'choppers'—but after this, you might think they should be called 'exploders.'.
• Headline: Maoists Say Foes Force Wide Fight To Control China; MAOISTS FORESEE A LONG STRUGGLE. Impact: The prolonged struggle for control in China likely set the stage for a dramatic shift in global politics, leading to a never-ending series of history textbooks that all say, 'and then Mao did something dramatic.'. Fact: The fact that 4,000 Maoists fasting didn't lead to a food revolution is proof that hunger strikes are not as effective as they sound..
• Headline: STEPHEN SPENDER QUITS ENCOUNTER; British Poet Says Finding of C.I.A. Financing Led to His Leaving Magazine Encounter Editor Quits His Post Over Disclosure of C.I.A.'s Role. Impact: Spender's resignation might have sparked a wave of poets refusing to take government money, leading to a poetic renaissance fueled by ramen noodles and existential dread.. Fact: When poets start resigning over CIA funding, you know the government is doing something right. Or wrong. Who even knows at this point?.
• Headline: BRITAIN MAY SLOW HER ADEN PULLOUT; Arab Violence Said to Cause a Change in Timetable BRITAIN MAY SLOW HER ADEN PULLOUT. Impact: This decision probably caused British officials to rethink their strategy on how to manage the chaos in the Middle East, resulting in a series of increasingly baffling diplomatic moves that could fill a soap opera.. Fact: Britain slowing its pullout is like that friend who says they'll leave the party soon but then stays for three more hours—everyone knows it’s about to get messy..
• Headline: RUSSELL F. GEE JR.. Impact: The mention of Russell F. Gee Jr. might have inspired countless future 'Gee' jokes, leaving us all wondering why we didn't take this opportunity to learn more about him.. Fact: The 'F' in Russell F. Gee Jr. stands for 'Forgettable,' which is exactly how history remembers most people with a name like that..
• Headline: Reuther Concedes Union on One Occasion Took $50,000 From Agency; REUTHER REVEALS UNION TIE TO C.I.A.. Impact: This admission could have led to a ripple effect of labor unions becoming more secretive about their funding sources, ultimately leading to conspiracy theorists having field days for decades.. Fact: If unions took money from the CIA, that explains the strange instruction manual they handed out: 'How to Wage a Labor War While Keeping It Classified.'.
• Headline: COL. AUSTIN CANNING, A PHYSICIAN, WAS 79. Impact: The passing of Col. Canning reminds us that even in military and medical fields, age brings wisdom—or just a lot of outdated advice and questionable practices.. Fact: Col. Canning was 79, which means he probably experienced more medical advancements than most of us see in a lifetime. Imagine his stories at parties!.
• Headline: Edward Kennedy Finds Vietnam Toll Of Civilians High; EDWARD KENNEDY CITES WAR TOLL. Impact: Kennedy's findings shed light on the devastating impact of war, possibly influencing future politicians to consider civilian lives in their military strategies—although history shows that sometimes they just don't get the memo.. Fact: Over 100,000 civilian casualties a year? That's a tragic statistic that should make anyone question the definition of 'collateral damage.'.