MARCH 3, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gimbels' Uptown Store and Theater Proposal. Impact: If Gimbels had succeeded in building that store, it would have become the hub of retail therapy. Fast forward a few decades, and we might have seen a world where people buy everything from socks to semiconductors at mega Gimbels, leading to a global obsession with shopping as a form of self-care. Thanks, Gimbels, for keeping our credit cards warm!. Fact: Gimbels was known for its epic holiday displays. Imagine a world where instead of 'Elf on the Shelf,' we had 'Gimbels on the Shelf'—now that's a festive nightmare!.
• Headline: Rusk Rejects Kennedy's Bombing Strategy. Impact: Rusk's rejection of Kennedy's plan might have been the butterfly that flapped its wings, leading to decades of complicated U.S.-Vietnam relations and possibly inspiring countless conspiracy theories about how to handle international conflicts—who knew that diplomacy could be so... diplomatic?. Fact: The 'bombing halt' was like a bad breakup—lots of talk about peace, but the tension just never really went away..
• Headline: Hanoi's Response to US Bombing Controversy. Impact: French diplomats doubting reciprocity could have led to a world where diplomatic relations were akin to a game of chess, only with more pawns and fewer queens. The aftermath? A global game of 'who's the bigger skeptic?' that still continues today.. Fact: The phrase 'peace talks' might as well be slang for 'let's just argue more politely.'.
• Headline: SCHOOL CHIEF COOL TO RACE BALANCE; Howe Points to 'Practical' Problems in Percentages. Impact: Howe's lukewarm reception of racial balance legislation could be seen as a pivotal moment, leading to a future where school districts would continue to grapple with integration issues, effectively turning education into a heated debate with more twists than a soap opera.. Fact: The concept of 'practical problems' in achieving racial balance is just another way of saying, 'We don't want to deal with this right now.'.
• Headline: Wife Is Critically Wounded As Gun Stunt at Show Fails. Impact: This unfortunate incident could have sparked a nationwide ban on gun tricks at shows, leading to a future where magicians only perform with balloon animals and card tricks. Because who needs a dangerous act when you can just pull a rabbit out of a hat?. Fact: Gun safety at shows? It's like bringing a chainsaw to a birthday party—just a tad risky!.
• Headline: Chase Bank Offers Reward For Arrest of Girl's Slayer. Impact: Chase Bank's reward for the girl's slayer might have inadvertently inspired a whole industry of true crime podcasts, leading to a cultural obsession with crime-solving and a future where everyone thinks they could be the next Sherlock Holmes. Spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Offering a reward for information is basically just an early version of 'please like and subscribe to my true crime channel!'.
• Headline: Hearings on Dodd To Open March 13 Before Senate Unit; HEARINGS ON DODD TO OPEN MARCH 13. Impact: The Senate hearings on Dodd could have been the spark that ignited a thousand political scandals, leading to a future where public hearings become the ultimate reality show, complete with drama, plot twists, and surprise guest appearances.. Fact: Senate hearings are like family reunions—lots of people showing up, arguing, and at least one person leaves in tears..
• Headline: Johnsons Fly to Texas. Impact: The Johnsons flying to Texas might have been a precursor to the idea that politicians needed to escape to their ranches for a breather, eventually leading to a trend of 'working vacations' that we now see in every corner of the globe.. Fact: Flying to Texas for a weekend is just a fancy way of saying, 'I need to avoid my responsibilities.'.
• Headline: Children's Aspirin Limited To 36 in a Single Package. Impact: Limiting children's aspirin could have led to a dramatic decrease in accidental poisonings, sparking a nationwide trend of parents overthinking everything they give their kids—because nothing says love like a side of paranoia.. Fact: The FDA might as well have said, 'We love children, but not enough to let them overdose on aspirin!'.
• Headline: DC-6 IN EXPLOSION WASN'T MODIFIED; Airline Says Plane's Builder Didn't Stress Urgency. Impact: The DC-6 explosion debacle could have highlighted just how unregulated the airline industry was at the time, leading to a future where we all buckle up and pray as soon as the plane takes off, ensuring we have a few more gray hairs on our heads.. Fact: Airlines back then were a bit like a game of roulette—sometimes you win, sometimes you just hope to land safely!.