MARCH 1, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic NATO Headquarters Construction Approved. Impact: If NATO had built its headquarters as a pyramid instead of a regular building, we might be living in a world where all diplomatic discussions involved ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs and pyramid schemes.. Fact: The only thing more temporary than NATO's HQ plans was the hope that countries would actually agree on something without a fight..
• Headline: British Banks Pull Out of Tanzania. Impact: This decision led to a chain reaction of Tanzanian banks hiring only local personnel, which somehow resulted in the rise of a national baking competition—now known as the Great Tanzania Bake-Off.. Fact: When British banks left Tanzania, they took their tea and crumpets with them, leaving behind a serious shortage of scones..
• Headline: City Incinerator Upgrade Sparks Rent Increase. Impact: The city’s incinerator upgrade not only raised rents but triggered the world's first 'Rent is Too Damn High' movement, which would eventually lead to the invention of the cardboard box as a trendy living space.. Fact: If only they had upgraded the incinerators sooner, they could have burned the complaints about rent increases instead of just trash..
• Headline: Madrid Jews Join Catholics in Prayer; Madrid Jews Join Catholics in Prayer. Impact: The joint prayer session between Jews and Catholics was so powerful that it opened a portal to a dimension where everyone shares desserts during religious services—imagine the cheesecake!. Fact: This was the first time in history that two religious groups in Spain agreed on anything—except for the fact that they both prefer churros over donuts..