FEBRUARY 17, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: FT. TOTTEN Proposed as Drug Rehab Facility. Impact: If only Fort Totten had been turned into a drug therapy center, perhaps the subsequent rise of hipster coffee shops wouldn't have occurred. Cue the irony – addiction treatment turning into addiction to overpriced lattes.. Fact: Did you know that coffee is often referred to as 'the most popular drug in the world'? Maybe we should've just turned Fort Totten into a coffee house instead..
• Headline: Debate Over Marx Museum's Future. Impact: The dispute over the Marx Museum led to a series of misunderstandings that eventually resulted in a global shortage of Marxist literature. Who knew preserving history could jeopardize the supply of vintage dog-eared copies?. Fact: Fun fact: If every museum dedicated to Karl Marx were demolished, you wouldn't stop hearing about him. Marxists tend to be quite passionate, even in the afterlife..
• Headline: SHIFTS POSSIBLE ON RESERVE BOARD; Obscure Law Could Permit Johnson to Gain Majority Old Law Makes Shifts by the President Possible on Federal Reserve Board. Impact: The obscure law enabling shifts on the Federal Reserve Board has led to countless conspiracy theories about how President Johnson was secretly communicating with time travelers to gain financial power. Spoiler: He wasn't.. Fact: Did you know that the Federal Reserve has been referred to as the 'most powerful institution that no one understands'? Sounds like my last date..
• Headline: NEW YORK ABANDONS CONVENTION EFFORT. Impact: New York abandoning the convention effort set off a chain reaction of political apathy that eventually spread to every corner of the nation. Who knew a lack of interest in conventions could lead to the rise of reality TV?. Fact: Fun fact: The last time NYC hosted a Republican convention, the city was also in the middle of a transit strike. So, really, this was probably for the best..
• Headline: 13 U.S. HELICOPTERS SHOT DOWN BY FOE, 10 IN SINGLE ACTION; South Vietnamese Report Killing of 255 Vietcong in Same Delta Encounter COPTER LOSS A NEW HIGH Amphibious Drive Begun by 2,000 American Marines in Quangngai Province Foe Downs 13 U.S. Helicopters, 10 of Them in a Single Operation. Impact: The loss of helicopters in Vietnam led to the creation of the phrase 'helicopter parenting' decades later. Apparently, the U.S. military just couldn't get the whole 'watching your kids' thing right.. Fact: Interestingly, the U.S. military has developed a love for helicopters, but we still can't find a satisfactory replacement for the mom who hovers over her children..
• Headline: Gale-Force Winds Stagger Northeast; Gale-Force Winds Stagger Northeast, Killing Two. Impact: The gale-force winds that caused havoc in the Northeast led to the invention of windproof umbrellas, which ironically only worked when there was no wind. Mother Nature sure has a sense of humor.. Fact: Did you know that wind is considered 'air in motion'? So, in essence, the Northeast was just a really active air molecule that day..
• Headline: ATOMS INSPECTOR PUTS MEN AT EASE; International Agency Aide Drops In at Power Plant. Impact: The inspection by the International Atomic Energy Agency made every nuclear facility feel like they were on a reality show. 'Will they get a good report, or will they end up on the cutting room floor?'. Fact: Fun fact: The IAEA has been trying to promote safety for decades, but their motto should really be, 'It's not about the destination; it's about the nuclear fallout.'.
• Headline: HANOI ACCUSES U.S. OF SHIFT ON TALKS; Washington Rejects Charge That Stand Was Changed After Peace Offer HANOI ACCUSES U.S. OF SHIFT ON TALKS. Impact: Hanoi's accusations of U.S. shifting on talks led to diplomatic back-and-forth that could have easily been mistaken for a game of ping pong. Just don't ask who served first.. Fact: Did you know that diplomatic negotiations are often compared to a dance? Too bad no one ever taught the U.S. and Vietnam the same steps..