FEBRUARY 10, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Reserve Backs Johnson Tax Plan Implementation. Impact: The tax plan passed, leading to a series of financial crises, which eventually resulted in the invention of the 'Stressed Accountant' action figure, complete with a calculator and a coffee cup.. Fact: Did you know that tax rises are like mosquitoes? They just keep coming back, and no one really enjoys their presence..
• Headline: Powell's Supreme Court Appeal Looms. Impact: Powell's appeal sparked a legal trend where every disgruntled citizen decided they too could just appeal to the Supreme Court for breakfast choices, leading to the infamous 'Cereal Case' of 1975.. Fact: Did you know that the Supreme Court used to handle appeals about seat designs? That was before they realized it was just a bad IKEA joke..
• Headline: Doubts on Peace Bids; Johnson Thinks He Is Target of Drive To Force Cutback Without Response. Impact: The doubts on peace bids triggered a chain reaction where every diplomat suddenly became a therapist, leading to an unexpected rise in the popularity of negotiation-themed reality shows.. Fact: Did you know that peace talks often include a lot of awkward silences? Just like family dinners, but with higher stakes..
• Headline: SILENCE AT VASSAR ON WAR ASSAILED; Alumnae Express Concern Over Lack of Protests. Impact: The alumnae's concerns about protests led to a new wave of student activism, inspiring future generations to protest everything from environmental issues to the price of avocado toast.. Fact: Did you know that silence can speak volumes? Just ask any student during finals week..
• Headline: 7th Ave. Hasn't Abandoned Skirts, But Pants Look Better Than Ever. Impact: The fashion industry took note and decided to create a 'Skirt vs. Pants' debate reality show, which only served to confuse the general population further.. Fact: Did you know that pants have feelings too? They just don’t express them as dramatically as skirts do..
• Headline: Gateway Arch Is Honored. Impact: The Gateway Arch being honored led to a sudden surge in arch-related tourism, eventually giving rise to the phrase 'Arch-itecture is my passion' among aspiring influencers.. Fact: Did you know that the Gateway Arch was designed to be a symbol of westward expansion? Too bad it can't help you expand your horizons at home..
• Headline: Lawyer Brings Suit Against Prosecutor, Charging Slander. Impact: The slander suit against the prosecutor set off a series of defamation cases that ultimately led to an entire reality TV network dedicated to courtroom dramas.. Fact: Did you know that slander can be more damaging than a bad haircut? At least with the haircut, you can hide it under a hat..
• Headline: Pontiac's Firebird to List From $2,495 to $2,720. Impact: The Firebird's price jump led to a renaissance in the automotive industry, where every car manufacturer suddenly thought they were selling luxury yachts.. Fact: Did you know that the Pontiac Firebird was named after a mythical creature? Too bad the prices don't come with mythical powers..