FEBRUARY 6, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Ellen Hassman's Cello Debut in History. Impact: Ellen Hassman's cello debut sparked a global obsession with string instruments, leading to a bizarre future where cats are trained to play the cello to calm stressed humans. Fact: Did you know that a cat playing the cello is actually more soothing than most human musicians? It’s scientifically proven—just not by any reputable source.
• Headline: Orbiter 3 Keeping To Bullseye Course For Lunar Pictures. Impact: Orbiter 3's precision led to a new era of space exploration, eventually resulting in the first space tourism company offering 'Lunar Spa Days' to the elite. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more expensive than a ticket to the moon is the cost of a spa treatment there? Zero gravity massages are all the rage—if you can afford them.
• Headline: Heller Is Pressing Study Of Refuse as Con Ed Fuel; HELLER PRESSING REFUSE-FUEL IDEA. Impact: Heller's refuse-to-fuel initiative caused an unexpected spike in scavenger hunts across NYC, as people sought out the best 'garbage gold' locations, which ironically became tourist attractions. Fact: Did you know that NYC's trash could fuel a small city? Just don’t ask the city’s rats—they might have some competition for the best spots.
• Headline: U.S. CARRIER CUTS VISIT TO CAPETOWN; Will Sail for Home Today --Crewmen Stay Aboard. Impact: The U.S. carrier's sudden departure from Capetown inspired a series of maritime 'staycation' trends, where sailors began to explore their own ships instead of foreign lands. Fact: Did you know that staying on a ship is just like a vacation, but with more sea sickness and fewer piña coladas?.
• Headline: U.S. Facing a New Bout With Cold Viruses; Scientists Hunt for Clues to 3 Annual Infection Waves Germs' Complexity Poses Main Puzzle in Seeking Cures U.S. Facing New Bout With Puzzling and Prolific Cold Viruses. Impact: The investigation into cold viruses led to the creation of the world's first 'Cold Virus Awareness Month', where people are encouraged to share their sneezes on social media as a bonding experience. Fact: Did you know that cold viruses are actually the most social of all viruses? They thrive on interaction—too bad they don't have a social media presence yet!.
• Headline: Fire Patrol Chief Appointed The appointment of James P.. Impact: James P. Lynch's appointment as Fire Patrol Chief led to a dramatic increase in fire safety awareness, inspiring reality TV shows about 'Firefighters Undercover' that confused more viewers than educated them. Fact: Did you know that being a fire chief is basically just a fancy way of saying you’re the top dog in the 'Get out of the kitchen!' hierarchy?.
• Headline: CITIES' ILLS CALLED MAJOR U.S. PROBLEM. Impact: Lindsay's focus on urban problems laid the groundwork for modern urban planning, which ultimately resulted in cities being designed with more potholes than parks, because priorities. Fact: Did you know that the average pothole could probably fit a small car? Urban planners really know how to make an impact—on your vehicle's alignment.