JANUARY 29, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Political Turmoil in Chile's Frei Administration. Impact: Frei's whirlwind led to a political cyclone that swept through South America, resulting in every politician thereafter thinking they could also ride the storm. Spoiler: they couldn't.. Fact: Did you know that political whirlwinds generally don't come with a warning? Just like your last relationship..
• Headline: Powell's Bimini Record Announcement. Impact: Powell's extravagant show in Bimini launched a series of increasingly ridiculous publicity stunts across the globe. Next thing you know, reality TV stars were staging their own concerts for cash.. Fact: Did you know $33,000 is basically a down payment on a luxury yacht? Or just another Tuesday for someone who doesn't know how to budget..
• Headline: New Non-Stick Bakery Coating Unveiled. Impact: The introduction of non-stick pans changed the course of culinary history, leading to a massive spike in pancake consumption and a subsequent rise in breakfast-themed reality shows.. Fact: Did you know that before non-stick pans, cooking eggs was a high-stakes gamble? It was like playing poker, but with breakfast..
• Headline: Two Held in Burglary At Wilson's Residence. Impact: The burglary at Wilson’s residence opened the door for countless art thefts, sparking a trend of 'art heist chic' that still permeates Hollywood films today.. Fact: Did you know that stealing a painting is often considered more romantic than just taking a selfie? Just ask any movie director..
• Headline: BAKER JURY GETS CONSPIRACY CASE; Panel Begins Deliberations After 14 Days of Testimony Instructions Complex BAKER JURY GETS CONSPIRACY CASE. Impact: The Baker jury's deliberations created a precedent for endless courtroom dramas, leading to an explosion of legal shows that somehow always feature the same plot twists.. Fact: Did you know that jury deliberation is basically the world's longest coffee break? Except no one gets coffee, just existential dread..
• Headline: The Old Vic From Where?; The Old Vic From Where?. Impact: Old Vic's transformation sparked an arts revolution, leading to an era where everyone suddenly became an expert in avant-garde theater... despite having never set foot in one.. Fact: Did you know that 'avant-garde' is just a fancy way of saying 'I don’t get it, but it must be deep'?.
• Headline: Behind the Corporate Scenes, Budget Men Are Always Busy; THE BUDGET MEN ARE ALWAYS BUSY. Impact: The budget men’s busywork led to the rise of corporate jargon that now plagues every office, making simple tasks sound like military operations.. Fact: Did you know that 'synergy' is just a buzzword for 'we need to work together because no one has a clue'?.
• Headline: A Civilized Voice for TV. Impact: The push for a civilized voice on TV eventually led to the rise of talking heads who are anything but civilized, proving that civility is overrated in media.. Fact: Did you know that a 'civilized voice' on TV is often just a polite way of saying, 'I’m about to yell at someone for ratings'?.
• Headline: GRAND FORKS, N.D.; State's Petroleum Industry Moves to Short Supply. Impact: The petroleum industry's move to short supply set off a chain reaction of price hikes, ultimately leading to a new dance craze: the 'Pump and Scream.'. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than gas prices are people's expectations of how much they should pay for a cup of coffee?.
• Headline: School TV Gets Low Marks. Impact: The low marks for school TV sparked a nationwide debate, eventually leading to a generation of kids who grew up thinking they could learn everything from YouTube tutorials.. Fact: Did you know that educational TV's role is so small that it could fit in a tiny classroom with a single desk... and still have room for a hamster?.