JANUARY 28, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Congress Considers Feline Solution. Impact: If Congress had really taken the advice of the Amer Feline Society, we might have seen a surge in cat-themed legislation. Imagine a world where every politician had to adopt a cat to hold office. Catnip lobbyists would rule Washington!. Fact: Cats were worshipped in ancient Egypt, but I guess Congress thinks they need a new mascot to distract from the mice in the building..
• Headline: Oath Requirement Dropped by Directors Guild. Impact: Dropping the non-Communist oath was like opening Pandora's box for Hollywood. Now, every director could potentially be a secret agent of chaos, plotting to bring down the film industry with poorly made sequels.. Fact: The Directors Guild of America once had more loyalty oaths than the Soviet Union. Good thing they dropped that—imagine how many terrible movies we could have avoided!.
• Headline: Kennedy's Diplomatic Talks in London. Impact: Kennedy's talks in London may have led to the invention of the phrase 'let's circle back.' Little did they know that the real impact would be an endless cycle of political meetings with no conclusions.. Fact: If only Kennedy had known that talking about politics in Oxford would lead to the eventual rise of British tea-drinking as a national sport..
• Headline: U.S. COURT RESCINDS BUS FARE INCREASE. Impact: The court's decision to rescind the bus fare increase was like a pebble thrown into a pond; it caused ripples of frustration across the city. Public transport prices have been a yo-yo ever since, creating a rollercoaster of commuter angst!. Fact: If only bus fares could go down as easily as people complain about them. Maybe we should just start charging in compliments!.
• Headline: ARMY OPPOSITION TO MAO REPORTED; Troops in 2 Regions Said to Resist Orders to Help in Ousting Party Officials Army Opposition to Mao Is Reported in 2 Regions. Impact: The army's opposition to Mao could have changed the course of Chinese history if only it had led to a full-blown rebellion. Instead, it just created more confusion, like a game of telephone gone wrong at a military briefing.. Fact: It's ironic that the army couldn’t agree on how to oust Mao, considering the amount of ‘disunity and confusion’ that’s been a staple of military operations throughout history..
• Headline: A CANINE COMPANION AIDS REHABILITATION. Impact: If more people realized that dogs could aid in rehabilitation, we might have seen the rise of canine therapists taking over the healthcare system. Who needs doctors when you have golden retrievers?. Fact: R Boyd's story proves that dogs are more than just furry companions; they’re also excellent at making you go outside and get fresh air—unlike Netflix..
• Headline: Hagen in Good Condition. Impact: Hagen's recovery could have inspired a wave of celebrity wellness trends, from 'Healing with Hagen' workshops to overpriced herbal teas sold by influencers. The wellness industry thanks you!. Fact: Hagen's miraculous recovery probably had more impact on wellness culture than any health guru with a yoga mat and a blog..