JANUARY 27, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Seaboard Finance Leadership Change. Impact: The election of P A Appleby as chairman led to a series of questionable financial decisions at Seaboard Finance. This eventually caused a ripple effect that resulted in the invention of the term 'financially challenged,' which is now used to describe the majority of millennials.. Fact: P A Appleby is not to be confused with the famous fruit. In fact, he never even liked apples..
• Headline: Deputy Chief Inspector J J McGuire Retires. Impact: Deputy Chief Inspector J J McGuire's retirement sparked a wave of nostalgia that led to a resurgence in 'Inspector' themed TV shows. Coincidentally, this also brought about an increase in people pretending to solve crimes in their basements.. Fact: McGuire's favorite retirement hobby is watching paint dry—he claims it’s just as thrilling as solving crimes..
• Headline: Queens Fire Linked to Defective Gas Valve. Impact: The failure to replace a gas valve led to a fire that not only caused destruction but also triggered a nationwide safety campaign. This campaign subsequently inspired a generation of safety inspectors who have since dedicated their lives to preventing gas-related mishaps, resulting in a world where people are now overly cautious about lighting candles.. Fact: If only those city aides had taken a basic plumbing class, we might have avoided this entire fiasco. But hey, hindsight is 20/20!.
• Headline: M'NAMARA SEES CHINA ICBM GAINS; Secretary Says Evidence Points Toward Missile or Space Launching in '67 McNamara Sees Chinese Missile Gain. Impact: McNamara's concerns about China's ICBM advancements led to an arms race that ultimately resulted in the invention of the fidget spinner, as government officials needed something to distract them from the impending doom.. Fact: McNamara's favorite missile was actually a paper airplane he built in grade school—took it very seriously, of course..
• Headline: 2 Civil Liberties Unions Support Return of Powell. Impact: The support of two Civil Liberties Unions for the return of Powell eventually led to legal precedents that made it possible for people to argue about everything from bathroom breaks to pizza toppings in court.. Fact: Powell's eligibility was once debated over a game of rock-paper-scissors. Spoiler alert: rock wins..
• Headline: EX-SOLDIERS HELP MAO'S OPPONENTS; Army Facing a Delicate Task in Combating Them Ex-Soldiers Aiding Mao's Foes Are Worry to Army. Impact: The ex-soldiers helping Mao's opponents created a chaotic environment that inadvertently inspired a new genre of combat video games, leading to a generation of players who think they know everything about warfare because they mastered 'Call of Duty.'. Fact: Many of these ex-soldiers later realized they were better suited for video game tournaments than actual combat. Who knew survival skills could translate to high scores?.
• Headline: Relucant Gamble Seen. Impact: The reluctant gamble seen in the divided loyalties of various factions led to an unforeseen increase in the number of self-help books on decision-making, creating a booming market filled with questionable advice.. Fact: One of the best-selling self-help books of this time was titled 'Flip a Coin: The Definitive Guide to Making Life Decisions—Because You Can't Decide!'.
• Headline: Appalachian Aide Selected For Transportation Agency. Impact: J W Fleming's selection for the Transportation Agency led to infrastructure changes that encouraged the rise of the bicycle as the 'it' mode of transport, making spandex a staple in everyday fashion. You're welcome, world.. Fact: Fleming's motto was 'Two wheels, one revolution'—a phrase he later regretted after discovering the complexities of public transit..