JANUARY 19, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Senator Questions Tax Increase Necessity. Impact: If only Senator Long had embraced taxes, perhaps the 21st century would have been filled with unicorns and rainbows instead of economic downturns. But hey, no one needs a functioning economy when you can just deny the problem, right?. Fact: Did you know that tax increases are often viewed like broccoli? Everyone knows it's good for you, but you still want to avoid it at all costs?.
• Headline: Delos Lovelace: A Literary Legacy. Impact: Lovelace's passing might have been a mere footnote in history, but it sparked a chain reaction of writers and editors taking themselves way too seriously, leading to an explosion of self-published memoirs in the 21st century.. Fact: Fun fact: Delos Lovelace's name sounds like a character from a Victorian romance novel, but he was just a writer and editor. Sorry to disappoint..
• Headline: Mrs. Lasker Gets Award For Beautifying the City. Impact: Mrs. Lasker's beautification efforts sparked a global trend where people suddenly decided that planting flowers could fix the world's problems. Spoiler: it didn’t.. Fact: Did you know that beautifying a city is just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's distract people from the potholes!'.
• Headline: Senate Approves Controller. Impact: The Senate approving the Controller might have seemed mundane, but it accidentally set off a series of events that would lead to an entire generation believing they could control the economy with spreadsheets and memes.. Fact: Did you know that being a currency controller is like being a babysitter for money? You have to keep it from misbehaving while hoping it doesn't throw a tantrum..
• Headline: KIESINGER VOWS PEACE WITH EAST; Says Bonn Will Embark on 'Great Policy' of Amity. Impact: Kiesinger's vow for peace was like a really awkward hug—everyone wanted it, but no one was sure how to pull it off, leading to decades of political awkwardness and endless diplomatic misunderstandings.. Fact: Did you know that when politicians vow for peace, it often translates to 'I promise to try my best, but also to ignore your phone calls'?.
• Headline: POLL GETS VIEWS OF CHURCHGOERS; It Finds They Are Similar to Those of Nonchurchgoers. Impact: This poll revealed a shocking truth: churchgoers and non-churchgoers alike have opinions, which led to a series of debates that felt more like a daytime talk show than a serious poll.. Fact: Fun fact: Polls are the adult version of asking kids to choose between broccoli and candy. Spoiler: they all want candy..
• Headline: 'Boston Strangler' Guilty in 4 Attacks; 'STRANGLER' GETS LIFE IN ASSAULTS. Impact: DeSalvo’s conviction as the 'Boston Strangler' not only closed a chapter on a grim saga but also gave birth to a thousand crime documentaries, because why not romanticize tragedy?. Fact: Did you know that the term 'Boston Strangler' is just about as catchy as it gets? No wonder it paved the way for true crime podcasts to dominate our lives..