JANUARY 15, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Record Vending Machine Shipments in 1965. Impact: The vending machine boom led to the rise of 24-hour convenience stores, which in turn caused the invention of late-night snacking and the regrettable trend of combining low-quality snacks with reality TV. Thanks, vending outlets!. Fact: Did you know that vending machines have been around since ancient Greece? They dispensed holy water, but we’ve come a long way since then—now they dispense regret in the form of stale chips..
• Headline: Tugs and Barges Transform Inland Shipping. Impact: The praises for tugs and barges spurred a renaissance in waterway transportation, eventually leading to the ludicrous idea of underwater hotels. Because who wouldn’t want to sleep with fish?. Fact: Fun fact: If you stacked all the tugs and barges on top of each other, you'd have a floating skyscraper! Too bad it would probably sink faster than your hopes for a promotion..
• Headline: Mild Economic Slowdown in New England 1966. Impact: This mild economic slowdown led to the invention of the phrase 'mild recession,' which future economists would use to downplay real disasters. It's like saying a tsunami is just a really enthusiastic wave.. Fact: Did you know that 'mild' is just another word for 'we're all still broke but at least we're not in a full-blown panic'? Thanks for the optimism, New England!.
• Headline: EVALUATION TESTS NEAR FOR F-111B; Grumman Optimistic About Fleet Defense Plane. Impact: The F-111B's evaluation tests led to a series of events where military funding skyrocketed, paving the way for the infamous 'military-industrial complex' that keeps us all on the edge of our seats. And our wallets empty.. Fact: Did you know that the F-111B was supposed to be a game-changer but ended up being a complicated mess? Kind of like the relationship between the U.S. and its allies..
• Headline: McLevy Papers Donated. Impact: The donation of McLevy's papers led to a renaissance of historical documentation, making future historians wish they had a time machine to sift through all that delightful paperwork. Spoiler alert: They’re still waiting.. Fact: Did you know that donating papers can sometimes feel like giving away your diary? Except in this case, you hope someone actually reads it instead of tossing it in the trash..
• Headline: 'Bane of Mankind'; Are We on the Brink Of Another Arms Race? THE ARMS RACE-- THRUST AND PARRY Another Arms Race? (Cont.). Impact: The warning about another arms race resulted in countless sleepless nights for world leaders, who then turned to yoga and meditation as a coping mechanism. Who knew that peace of mind could come from downward dog?. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'arms race' was coined long before anyone thought of actually racing with arms? Yet here we are, still running in circles..
• Headline: Rostow Leaves Today; U.S. AIDE TO VISIT 7 NATIONS ON FOOD. Impact: Rostow's international aid tour ended up being the basis for future global charity events, leading to the rise of awkward photo-ops with world leaders and celebrities. Because nothing says 'I care' like a selfie with a humanitarian crisis in the background!. Fact: Did you know that organizing international aid often requires more paperwork than actually providing aid? It’s like trying to save the world with a stack of forms!.