JANUARY 4, 1967

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Writers' Parley Scheduled for May. Impact: Had the Soviet Writers' Parley actually discussed the case of Sinyavsky and Daniel, a bold new wave of dissent could have emerged in the USSR, spurring a literary revolution that might have accidentally birthed the modern hipster movement. Imagine bearded poets sipping lattes in Moscow!. Fact: Fun fact: The Soviet Union was so fond of censorship that they considered it a competitive sport. The gold medal went to whoever could suppress the most creative ideas!.
• Headline: The Turbulent Journey of Leland S. Buckmaster. Impact: Leland S Buckmaster’s ‘stormy’ labor career could have accidentally inspired future generations of labor activists to take up knitting during protests, leading to a global trend of protest-themed sweaters and scarves. Who knew labor negotiations could be so stylish?. Fact: Did you know that labor disputes were once settled with rock-paper-scissors? Just kidding, but wouldn't that have made things more entertaining?.
• Headline: Wilson Calls for Action Against Unions. Impact: Wilson’s call to arms against labor unions led to a series of increasingly absurd negotiations, culminating in a strike where workers demanded free snacks in exchange for their labor. It’s amazing what people will fight for!. Fact: Fun fact: The term 'blackmail' originally referred to the practice of demanding payment in exchange for a good review of someone's awful poetry. Just a little labor history for you!.
• Headline: Tax Increase for Rhode Island Predicted in Chafee's Message; But Governor Gives Assembly No Hint of What Kind of Rise He Will Propose. Impact: If Chafee's tax increase had been as outrageous as predicted, Rhode Island might have become the first state to implement a 'scream tax'—where residents simply had to yell at the tax collector to avoid paying.. Fact: Did you know that Rhode Island is so small that when they say, 'We're raising taxes,' they actually mean, 'We're raising the volume of our collective sigh?'.
• Headline: Seizure of Hanoi Parcels Attacked in Court Action. Impact: The court case against the seizure of literature from North Vietnam could have sparked a massive underground book club that would have transformed into an anti-establishment literary society. Imagine the book exchanges happening in secret basements!. Fact: Fun fact: In the world of espionage, it's often said that 'the pen is mightier than the sword,' unless, of course, the sword is in the hands of a Customs officer..
• Headline: ISIDORE MANHEIM. Impact: Isidore Manheim’s existence could have led to a reality where every historian had to wear a name tag with their full name, causing confusion at conferences and awkward introductions for centuries.. Fact: Did you know that Isidore Manheim once tried to teach a history class using only interpretive dance? The results were... mixed..
• Headline: The'Invasion Farce'. Impact: The disastrous invasion plan might have inspired future generations to create parody war movies. We could be living in a world where the biggest blockbuster is 'Dude, Where's My Invasion?'. Fact: Fun fact: CBS once thought they'd stumbled upon a goldmine when they paid for news coverage of the landing—turns out, they just funded the world's first reality show gone wrong!.
• Headline: Ryan Names 8 Companies In Jersey as Air Polluters; 8 CONCERNS NAMED AS AIR POLLUTERS. Impact: Naming those companies could have sparked a national chain reaction where every polluter had to wear a 'Pollution is My Middle Name' t-shirt, leading to an unexpected fashion revolution in environmental activism.. Fact: Did you know that air pollution is so bad in some places that even the clouds have started wearing gas masks? Talk about a cloudy day!.
• Headline: '4 Points' Not Condition to Talks, Aides Note Others Doubt Change; Hanoi's Premier, in Discussion, Puts Stress on End of Fighting. Impact: If the Hanoi Premier had been more flexible, the Vietnam War might have ended with a massive karaoke party instead of a tragic conclusion, uniting nations through the power of song and awkward dance moves.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'end of fighting' can be roughly translated to 'let's just agree to disagree' in the language of peace talks, which is often followed by an eye roll..
• Headline: LEGISLATORS SEEK REINS ON LOTTERY; Law Is Expected to Provide for 'Controlled Outlets' and Vending Devices LEGISLATORS SEEK REINS ON LOTTERY. Impact: The attempt to rein in the lottery could have sparked a trend where vending machines became the primary source of economic stimulation, leading to a world where people gamble on everything, including the outcome of their lunch!. Fact: Did you know that lottery planners originally considered vending machines for selling tickets because they thought people would prefer their chance of winning with a side of convenience? Because who wouldn't want to risk it all while waiting for their soda?.