DECEMBER 27, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Democrats Divided on Johnson's 1968 Candidacy. Impact: If only 43% of Democrats had just flipped a coin instead of deliberating over Johnson, we might have seen a radically different political landscape. Perhaps a time-traveling candidate with a shiny cape would have swooped in instead, forever changing the course of American politics.. Fact: Polls show that around 43% of people will always 'wait-and-see' even when they’re ordering at a restaurant. It’s a universal phenomenon!.
• Headline: North Triumphs Over South in Hard-Fought Match. Impact: The North's victory led to an influx of strategists who believed they could replicate this for every sports event thereafter. This misguided confidence eventually inspired the infamous 'Super Bowl Shuffle' and other questionable athletic performances.. Fact: The North-South rivalry has been rehashed in many forms, but let’s be real, it's all just an excuse for a good BBQ..
• Headline: U.S. Raids Target North Vietnamese Towns. Impact: These raids were so ineffective that they inspired future military planners to create 'How Not to Plan a Raid' seminars, which are still being ignored to this day.. Fact: The term 'batter' here refers to the towns, not the local baseball team, though they might have been better off if they had just taken up sports..
• Headline: Japanese Dissolve The Lower House; Voting in January. Impact: The dissolution of the Lower House sparked a wave of political rebranding that led to the creation of the 'House of Cards' series, proving that fiction can indeed be more entertaining than reality.. Fact: Dissolving a house sounds messy, but it's actually a common political maneuver—just like dissolving a relationship after a bad date..
• Headline: URUGUAYAN CABINET CHOSEN BY GESTIDO. Impact: Gestido's cabinet selection is seen as a pivotal moment that led to a string of increasingly bizarre political appointments around the globe, culminating in the rise of celebrity politicians and the phrase 'I’m not a politician, I just play one on TV.'. Fact: In Uruguay, cabinet selections are often more exciting than the actual elections. Who knew government could be a reality show?.
• Headline: Ralston Joins Pro Tennis Ranks; Star Is Reported to Receive $100,000 Over 3 Years Top-Rated American Unpredictable in His Court Play. Impact: Ralston's leap to professionalism was the catalyst for the future of tennis endorsements, leading to athletes being paid more to wear logos than to play, forever changing the landscape of sports sponsorship.. Fact: In another timeline, Ralston's dramatic flair on the court was completely overshadowed by his rival’s collection of cats, which became a viral sensation..
• Headline: PRESIDENT WEIGHS COMPROMISE PLAN ON MISSILE GUARD; May Order Only Preliminary Parts for the Nike-X and Defer Building Decision PRESIDENT WEIGHS NEW MISSILE PLAN. Impact: Johnson's indecision on missile plans caused a ripple effect that eventually led to more political debates than actual missile launches, resulting in a new sport: the political blame game.. Fact: In the world of politics, 'compromise' often means everyone gets slightly less than they wanted, like a very disappointing buffet..
• Headline: City Committee Uses Persuasion to Fight Union Exploitation of Workers. Impact: The city's attempt to protect workers from union exploitation led to a series of labor movements that ultimately resulted in the discovery of the universal truth: no one likes to be exploited—unless it’s by a reality TV show.. Fact: This committee’s formation led to the creation of countless pamphlets, which nobody reads, just like every other committee in history..
• Headline: FOES OF JETPORT REAFFIRM STAND; Association in North Jersey Plans to Continue Fight. Impact: The fervent opposition to the jetport became a rallying cry for future activists, leading to the rise of 'Not In My Backyard' movements, which now cover everything from wind farms to tiny homes.. Fact: Fighting against a jetport is just one step away from fighting against your neighbor's decision to paint their house a color you hate..