DECEMBER 26, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Examining School District Issues Nationwide. Impact: The scrutiny of school district structures led to the eventual rise of standardized testing, which in turn created a generation of students who can ace multiple-choice questions but can't find their way out of a paper bag. Thanks, Prof R Purdy!. Fact: Did you know that standardized testing was originally designed to measure intelligence? Now it just measures how well you can guess..
• Headline: Beatniks Flock to Nepal Because 'It's Where the Scene Is, Man'; Beatniks Are Flocking to Nepal Because 'It's Where the Scene Is'. Impact: The Beatnik migration to Nepal inadvertently set the stage for the rise of yoga retreats, kombucha, and overpriced avocado toast—thank you, hipsters, for ruining brunch!. Fact: Did you know that Nepal's real estate prices skyrocketed because of a couple of poets looking for inspiration? Now it's just overpriced Airbnb spots..
• Headline: ROBERT WITSCHEY, ACCOUNTANT, DIES; Internal Revenue Adviser-- Headed American Institute. Impact: Witschey’s death marked a pivotal moment in accounting, as suddenly every accountant realized they were one audit away from a similar fate—cue the existential crises.. Fact: Fun fact: Accountants are the only professionals who can make 'death' sound like a tax write-off..
• Headline: Coffee Is Held No Match For Liquor on the Road. Impact: This revelation about coffee and liquor led to the infamous 'coffee for breakfast, liquor for lunch' culture, proving that Americans would rather risk their lives than skip their caffeine fix.. Fact: Did you know? Coffee was once considered a dangerous drink, believed to cause all sorts of moral decay! Now it’s basically a food group..
• Headline: LUNA 13 RELAYING PHOTOS OF MOON; 2 TV Shots Said to Indicate Surface Shifts and Erosion. Impact: The Luna 13 photos of the moon sparked a wave of conspiracy theories about alien life, leading to an explosion of UFO sightings and 'experts' who have never seen a telescope.. Fact: Did you know that the moon landing was so convincing that even today, people still argue it was staged in a Hollywood basement?.
• Headline: STRIKE DRAGGING ON AT DEEP WATER PORT. Impact: The ongoing strike at the deep water port led to increased shipping costs, which later contributed to the rise of online shopping—because nothing says 'labor rights' like a two-day delivery of your new shoes.. Fact: Did you know that strikes are often just a signal for consumers to start hoarding toilet paper? Thanks, deep water port!.