NOVEMBER 12, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: His Job Gets Bigger; Buell Gordon Gallagher. Impact: Buell Gordon Gallagher’s growing career as an educator has led to a mysterious increase in coffee consumption among teachers, fueling a conspiracy theory that caffeine is the real secret to academic success. Fact: Did you know? Gallagher’s rise in the education world is so dramatic that it’s rumored he may be the next 'Principal of the Year'... a title that comes with a shiny badge and a lifetime supply of chalk.
• Headline: U.S. KEEPS SILENCE ON GERMAN CRISIS; Rusk Orders His Aides to Withhold All Comment. Impact: The U.S. keeping silent on the German crisis led to an unintended diplomatic game of telephone, resulting in wild misunderstandings that made the Cold War feel like child's play. Fact: Did you know? Rusk’s silence was so profound that it was rumored the State Department actually considered hiring a mime to handle communications instead.
• Headline: Inquiry on Dam Ordered. Impact: The push for an inquiry on the dam sparked a global movement of artists auctioning off their works, which eventually led to the establishment of the 'Art for Infrastructure' movement—because who doesn’t want a Picasso next to a pothole?. Fact: Did you know? The inquiry was so artistically inclined that it inspired a new art style called 'Damism,' which features only works that are related to water infrastructure.
• Headline: Even Victorian Is Old At Fall Antiques Show. Impact: The antiques show in Madison Square Garden unwittingly revived Victorian fashion, leading to an unexpected resurgence of corsets and top hats on the streets of New York—because who doesn’t want to faint in style?. Fact: Did you know? Some say that even the antiques at the show were so old they had their own social security numbers—talk about vintage!.
• Headline: 500 L.I.U. Students Fight Tuition Proposal. Impact: The protest against tuition hikes by L.I.U. students ignited a campus-wide movement that eventually led to the creation of 'Tuition Transparency Week,' which ironically made tuition more opaque than ever. Fact: Did you know? This protest was so significant that it’s rumored the students almost considered taking up knitting instead—because who wouldn’t want to knit their way through college debt?.
• Headline: The Glacier Speeds Up; Change, Architectural and Political, Appears to Overwhelm Stockholm. Impact: The glacier speeding up in Stockholm didn’t just indicate climate change; it also caused a sudden increase in ice-themed parties, resulting in Stockholm becoming the hottest (and coldest) party destination for hipsters. Fact: Did you know? The political changes in Stockholm were so drastic that some political leaders considered changing their titles to 'Ice Czar'—because why not embrace the chill?.