NOVEMBER 5, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: City Hall Expedites Industry Aid Approval. Impact: When City Hall decided to speed up approvals for industry aid, little did they know that this would lead to the creation of a secret society of bureaucrats, who would meet in dark alleys to discuss the art of procrastination and its impact on productivity. Their motto? 'Why do today what you can delay until tomorrow.'. Fact: This 'speedy approval' plan was so efficient that it led to the infamous 'Bureaucratic Olympics,' where officials compete to see who can sign documents the fastest while simultaneously avoiding real work..
• Headline: Mass Transition to Permanent Postal Jobs. Impact: Ah, the Post Office moving 26,000 temporary workers to permanent status—this triggered a nationwide trend of people suddenly realizing that their summer jobs could lead to lifelong commitments. Next thing you know, we had a generation of baristas with 401(k)s and dental plans.. Fact: Studies show that 90% of these newly permanent employees still have no idea what their job actually entails. But hey, at least they have benefits!.
• Headline: Roosevelt's Vote Gain Amid Controversy. Impact: Roosevelt's claim of gaining 100,000 voters due to the police board issue inadvertently led to the rise of the 'Vote or Die' campaign slogan—because nothing screams democracy like a little fear-mongering.. Fact: Fun fact: This was the beginning of political campaigns realizing that fear and confusion can be more motivating than actual policies. Who needs to address issues when you can just scare people into voting?.
• Headline: O'CONNOR IS BOOED ON REVIEW BOARD; Hecklers in Harlem Accuse Candidate of Double-Talk. Impact: O'Connor getting booed in Harlem was the catalyst for the invention of heckler's rights. It sparked a national movement that ensured anyone with a loud opinion could get a platform—thus paving the way for reality TV stars to enter politics.. Fact: Heckling has been officially recognized as a form of political engagement since this event. So, yes, your sarcastic comments at town hall meetings count as civic participation!.
• Headline: HOME DRUG LAB RAIDED IN BRONX; Youths, 19 and 20, Arrested for Making Hallucinogenic Substance in Apartment REVOLVER, RIFLE SEIZED Police Confiscate $5,000 Worth of Equipment and an Ounce of Hashish. Impact: The raid on the home drug lab in the Bronx not only prevented a potential DMT epidemic but also inspired a generation of college students to start their own DIY labs—most of which were just glorified kitchen experiments gone wrong.. Fact: Hallucinogenic substances were actually on the rise post-raid; I guess kids just love a good challenge. 'You think you can stop us? Hold my beer!' became the unofficial slogan for aspiring chemists..
• Headline: Brunet Couple Forbidden to Adopt a Blond Girl, 4; Brunet Couple Cannot Adopt Blonde. Impact: The Brunet couple's inability to adopt a blonde girl sparked an international debate about hair color and parenting suitability, which ultimately led to a ridiculous reality show: 'Survivor: Adoption Edition.'. Fact: This situation prompted a documentary called 'Brunettes Against Blondes,' which was sadly never aired. Apparently, the producers thought it was 'too niche'—because who doesn’t love a good hair color debate?.
• Headline: Light Moments Cheer Up Hard-Fought Campaign; Candidates Find That Getting Votes Is Not Necessarily a Serious Business By THOMAS BUCKLEY. Impact: The light moments during the campaign were the seeds for future political memes. Little did they know, their joviality would lead to a future where politicians would be more concerned about their online personas than actual governance.. Fact: This was the beginning of the 'serious business' of politics turning into a stand-up comedy routine. The headline 'Vote for Me, I'm Hilarious' soon followed, but sadly, the punchlines were never delivered..
• Headline: City Asked to Spur Facilities In Coney and Bruckner Areas. Impact: The call for public improvements in Coney Island and Bruckner was the moment urban planners realized that if you build it, they might come—but if they don't, you can always blame it on the weather.. Fact: Coney Island would eventually become the go-to example for 'urban renewal gone wrong'—who knew that a funfair could turn into a bureaucratic nightmare?.
• Headline: UNION REBUFFED BY WESTING HOUSE; 3 Proposals for Arbitration of Dispute Are Rejected. Impact: Westinghouse's rejection of the union's arbitration proposals led to the creation of the 'Negotiation Olympics,' where companies and unions would face off in a series of ridiculous challenges to determine who could outlast the other in a battle of wills.. Fact: In the aftermath of this rejection, the phrase 'We’ll get back to you' became the most used phrase in corporate communication, and it still holds the record today!.
• Headline: NIXON SEES BREAK IN BIP ARTISAN LINE; He Calls Johnson's Attack 'Shocking' Demands Right to Criticize War Policy NIXON SEES BREAK IN BIPARTISAN LINE. Impact: Nixon's assertion about the bipartisan line breaking marked the beginning of the great American pastime: political drama. Who knew that political disputes could rival soap operas for sheer entertainment value?. Fact: This was the moment when political commentators realized that they could turn any statement into a headline. 'Nixon's Shocking Attack' could have been the title for every episode of his presidency—what a cliffhanger!.