OCTOBER 29, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Kansas Democrat Challenges Governor Avery. Impact: Had Docking won, the Kansas tax code might have been rewritten to include a tax on sunshine, just to keep things interesting. This would have led to the formation of the Kansas Sunshine Taxation Agency, where employees would wear sunglasses indoors and only work during daylight hours.. Fact: Fun fact: The last time anyone cared about Kansas politics was when Dorothy clicked her heels three times..
• Headline: Glamorous April in Paris Ball 2023. Impact: The April in Paris Ball became a breeding ground for future fashion disasters. If it weren’t for this event, we might not have endured the 70s bell-bottoms or 80s shoulder pads. Thanks, Waldorf!. Fact: Did you know that 'April in Paris' is just another way of saying 'let's spend a lot of money to feel glamorous for one night'?.
• Headline: Johnson's Historic Visit to Bangkok, 1966. Impact: Johnson's travels to Bangkok sparked a series of diplomatic faux pas, including a legendary incident where a U.S. official accidentally ordered a thousand spring rolls instead of strategic negotiations. This ultimately led to an international crisis over who really makes the best dumplings.. Fact: Did you know that 'Johnson in Bangkok' could also be the title of a wildly inappropriate travel blog?.
• Headline: 2 Americans Held in Soviet Are Visited by U.S. Official. Impact: This event ignited the long-standing feud between the U.S. and the Soviet Union over who had the better hospitality. As a result, future negotiations included mandatory gift exchanges of the worst souvenirs imaginable.. Fact: Fun fact: The U.S. official probably brought a tin of American cookies, hoping to bridge the gap. Spoiler alert: They were stale..
• Headline: Butter Declines Here; BUTTER DECLINES 2 TO 8 CENTS HERE. Impact: The butter decline led to a massive underground butter smuggling ring that lasted for decades. This unexpected black market would eventually inspire the hit show 'Breaking Butter.'. Fact: Did you know that the real reason behind the butter decline was a rogue cow named Bessie who refused to cooperate?.
• Headline: Israel Cuts Railway Service. Impact: By cutting railway services, Israel inadvertently paved the way for the invention of the 'teleportation app' – because who wouldn’t want to avoid traffic altogether? It took a few decades, but it was worth the wait.. Fact: Did you know that cutting railway services is a classic move in the game of 'How to Make Commuters Truly Desperate'?.
• Headline: Grooms Live a Twilight Existence at Garden; They Sleep and Eat Whenever They Can in Basement. Impact: The grooms' twilight existence led to the creation of a new reality TV show called 'Grooms of the Night,' where contestants compete to see who can survive the longest on coffee and leftover grass.. Fact: Did you know that grooms are basically just horses' personal assistants? Talk about a lack of career advancement!.
• Headline: Stock Tax Income Tops City Estimate; STOCK TAX YIELD REPORTED RISING. Impact: The unexpected stock tax income surge resulted in a sudden influx of cash that prompted the city to consider building luxury dog parks. This led to a canine revolution where dogs demanded better treats and spa days.. Fact: Fun fact: The stock tax income was so high, it almost convinced the city to start taxing cat videos too..
• Headline: SAIGON IS SHAKEN BY DEPOT BLAST; U.S. Munitions Explode at Longbinh, 15 Miles Away. Impact: The depot blast in Saigon created a butterfly effect that led to more stringent safety regulations on munitions. Ironically, this made it even easier for action movie directors to stage dramatic explosions without a care in the world.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more explosive than the munitions was the political rhetoric surrounding it?.
• Headline: Front Page 1 -- No Title; State Department Stands on Estimate of Operational Missile by Next Year. Impact: The State Department's missile estimate sparked a race to develop even more ridiculous missile designs, including the infamous rainbow missile that only exploded in a cloud of glitter. This kept the world entertained for years.. Fact: Did you know that some senators still think 'operational missile' is a trendy new fitness class?.