OCTOBER 11, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cruelty Claims by Jailed Protesters. Impact: This lawsuit ignites a series of legal battles that inadvertently lead to the invention of the concept of 'lawyers being able to sue for anything,' paving the way for frivolous lawsuits for centuries to come.. Fact: The phrase 'acts of cruelty and unusual punishment' later inspired countless sitcoms about prison life—because nothing says comedy like unjust confinement!.
• Headline: France's Ongoing NATO Participation. Impact: France's half-hearted involvement in NATO leads to future debates about 'What even is NATO?' and contributes to a whole generation of confused college students.. Fact: Fun fact: France's relationship with NATO has been so complicated, it could probably fill a soap opera season's worth of drama!.
• Headline: FLEMISH RENEW LOUVAIN PROTEST; Seek Removal of College's French-Speaking Section. Impact: The Flemish protest grows into a full-blown cultural revolution, leading to the establishment of 'The Great Language War' of the 1970s, where no one wins, but everyone gets a headache.. Fact: The only thing more complicated than the French-speaking section of Louvain? The instruction manual for assembling IKEA furniture..
• Headline: Fire Prevention Essay Prizes Given to 316 Children. Impact: These fire prevention essay prizes lead to an unforeseen spike in children's interest in pyromania, ultimately resulting in the first-ever 'Burning Man' festival.. Fact: These prizes were probably the only time in history where kids took fire safety more seriously than their homework..
• Headline: NAVY PILOTS TELL OF DOWNING MIG'S. Impact: The downing of MIGs causes a chain reaction where every pilot feels the need to boast, leading to a century-long tradition of military pilots exaggerating their achievements in bars worldwide.. Fact: Pilot stories about downing enemy aircraft have been proven to be 87% more exaggerated than the average fishing tale. Just sayin'..
• Headline: BEN BARKA TRIAL ENDS TESTIMONY; Fugitive Is Linked to Club Near Kidnapping Scene. Impact: The Ben Barka trial reveals the dark underbelly of government operations, which leads to a series of conspiracy theories that, inexplicably, include aliens and Bigfoot.. Fact: The Boucheseiche gang later inspired several 'true crime' podcasts, proving that crime really does pay... in listens..
• Headline: 4 Guidance Center For Women to Open In Rockland College. Impact: The opening of the Guidance Center for Women sparks a movement that eventually inspires countless self-help books, leading to the rise of motivational speakers who have never actually helped anyone.. Fact: This center is the first step toward a future where everyone thinks they're qualified to give advice—thanks, internet!.