SEPTEMBER 6, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Halothane Approved After Liver Damage Concerns. Impact: If halothane had actually caused liver damage, we might have seen a massive uptick in underground liver transplant parties. Who knew a drug approval could lead to the rise of black-market organs?. Fact: Despite being cleared, halothane is still so scary it sounds like a villain from a superhero movie. Watch out for 'The Halothane Menace'!.
• Headline: Nigeria's Future: Unity or Division?. Impact: If Nigeria had split into four nations, we might have had a completely different set of football rivalries, and who knows? We could be drinking four different types of Nigerian beer instead of just one.. Fact: The only thing more complicated than Nigeria's regional politics is trying to explain it to your friends over a game of Monopoly..
• Headline: McNamara's Call for Understanding with China. Impact: McNamara's warning might have prevented a disastrous war. But let's be real, if they listened, we might have missed out on another decade of '80s action movies where the US saves the day.. Fact: McNamara's ability to foresee a conflict was so good, he should have been cast as a character in a sci-fi movie. 'Back to the Future: Military Edition'..
• Headline: Man Who Helped Girl Flee Custody Seized by Police. Impact: If this guy had succeeded in helping the girl escape, we could have seen a whole new trend in juvenile rebellion. Escape rooms would have turned into escape houses with an actual danger level.. Fact: It's crazy how a 15-year-old can inspire a whole new genre of rebellious teenager films. Where's the Netflix series about this escape plot?.
• Headline: Radiation Parley in Rome. Impact: The discussions in Rome might have led to a new era of radiation safety protocols, which, if ignored, could have resulted in the world's biggest game of 'hot potato'—with actual potatoes.. Fact: Radiation talks in Rome sound like a bad sequel to a spy movie. 'Radiation Parley: The Return of the Nuclear Pasta.'.
• Headline: Soviet and Poland Agree to Pay For Quitting U.S. Track Meets; Soviet and Poland Agree to Pay For Quitting U.S. Track Meets. Impact: If USSR and Poland hadn't agreed to pay each other to quit U.S. track meets, we might have witnessed the first international sport bribery scandal. Imagine the headlines!. Fact: Track meets were the original 'who can pay the most to avoid competition' events. It’s like high school all over again, but with fewer pep rallies..
• Headline: World Fund Bids U.S. Act to Cool Off Its Economic Boom; WORLD FUND BIDS U.S. DAMPEN BOOM. Impact: If the U.S. had listened to the World Fund and dampened its economic boom earlier, we might have avoided the 2008 financial crisis. Or, you know, just delayed it, because who needs stability?. Fact: The IMF’s idea of ‘cooling off’ is like putting ice cubes in a volcano. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: West German Group Seeks Revival of Old Script. Impact: If the Fraktur script had made a comeback, we might have ended up in a world where historical documents were rewritten in a font that looks like a medieval party invitation. So chic!. Fact: Fraktur script is like the hipster of fonts—hard to read, but everyone pretends to love it for its vintage vibe..
• Headline: Wilson and Rhodesia; Stalemate Over Colony's Defiant Stand Irks Britain at Commonwealth Talks. Impact: If Britain had pushed harder on Rhodesia, we might have seen a reality where tea-drinking diplomats became the new world superpower. ‘Let’s settle this with a cuppa!’. Fact: Stalemates in diplomacy are just like waiting for your friend who always runs late. Someone has to take charge, and it’s definitely not going to be the one holding the teapot..