JUNE 24, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pentagon's New Deployment Strategy Explained. Impact: Had the Pentagon successfully implemented the fast deployment logistics ships, the U.S. might have been able to deploy an army of rubber ducks instead of soldiers, leading to a global fascination with aquatic warfare. Who knew quacking could be so strategic?. Fact: The phrase 'Git Thar Fustest With the Mostest' is not just military jargon; it's also the motto of any family road trip where someone inevitably forgets the snacks..
• Headline: U.S. Labor Rejoins I.L.O. Activities. Impact: Ending the I.L.O. boycott might have led to a sudden surge in labor rights awareness across the globe, resulting in workers demanding nap breaks and free coffee. The horror!. Fact: The I.L.O. stands for the International Labor Organization, which is not to be confused with any organization that promotes more coffee breaks—because that would just be chaos..
• Headline: Mayor Cancels Dinner for King Faisal; Governor Joins in Snub GOVERNOR JOINS SNUB TO MONARCH Slur on U.S. Jews Leads to Reversal of Plans, but Others Will Fete Ruler. Impact: The cancellation of the dinner for King Faisal not only strained U.S.-Saudi relations but also set a precedent for awkward dinner parties everywhere. Next time you skip dinner with Aunt Edna, just remember: it could lead to international incidents.. Fact: Snubbing a monarch is generally frowned upon, unless you’re a toddler and it’s nap time. Then it’s perfectly acceptable..
• Headline: De Gaulle Is Welcomed by 400,000 on Arrival at Siberian City. Impact: De Gaulle's grand welcome in Siberia sparked a movement of French baguettes being smuggled into Russia, leading to a revolution in sandwich-making across Eastern Europe. Who knew carbs could unite nations?. Fact: 400,000 people showed up to welcome De Gaulle, which is only slightly more than the number of people who show up for a free pizza party..
• Headline: Jesse Gray Arrested in Rent Dispute. Impact: Jesse Gray's arrest in a rent dispute may have led to a nationwide wave of protests demanding reasonable rent, resulting in landlords everywhere suddenly becoming very good at hiding in their basements.. Fact: Rent disputes are like modern-day gladiator battles, except with fewer lions and more shouting about security deposits..
• Headline: O.A.S. Gets Proposal to Start Dominican Withdrawal by July 1. Impact: The proposed withdrawal of troops from the Dominican Republic could have set off a chain reaction, leading to other nations pulling out of conflicts and eventually leading to a world where everyone just huddles together for warmth and snacks.. Fact: The OAS resolution is a classic example of diplomacy: 'Let's agree to leave, but only if we can finish our snacks first.'.
• Headline: BONN SAFE-CONDUCT FOR DEBATES VOTED; Special to The New York Times. Impact: The safe-conduct law passed by the Bundestag might have led to an actual safe space for debates, where politicians could hug it out instead of shouting at each other. Imagine political debates with puppies!. Fact: Safe-conduct sounds like a fancy term for a VIP pass, but it’s really just a way to say, 'You can talk here, but please don't throw any chairs.'.
• Headline: Rumania Rift Hinted In Chou Rally Delay; Chinese-Rumanian Rift Indicated in Rally Delay. Impact: The delay of the Chinese-Rumanian friendship rally hinted at a rift that could have spiraled into an international game of 'who can ignore each other the longest'—which is basically high-stakes hide and seek.. Fact: When countries have rifts, it’s just like a high school drama: one minute they're best friends, and the next minute they won't even sit at the same lunch table..
• Headline: City's Water Rate Doubled by Board; Move Is Protested; BOARD DOUBLES CITY WATER RATE. Impact: Doubling the city's water rate could have led to a massive uprising where residents turned into amateur water conservationists, leading to a generation of people who only shower once a week. The horror of hygiene!. Fact: Water rates doubling is the adult version of your parents saying no to dessert; it’s all about the sweet stuff being 'too expensive' these days..