JUNE 15, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Addonizio Wins Newark Mayoral Runoff Election. Impact: If Addonizio hadn't been re-elected, Newark might have become a ghost town, or worse, a hub for interpretive dance festivals. Thank goodness for democracy!. Fact: Did you know that sometimes elections can actually change how many times you have to listen to your neighbor's unsolicited opinions on city planning? Crazy, right?.
• Headline: Suharto's Positive Outlook on Malaysia Accord. Impact: Suharto's expectation of a Malaysia Accord might have led to a butterfly effect causing a world where everyone wears matching outfits from a 'peaceful' agreement. Fashion police would have a field day.. Fact: Fun fact: Political agreements rarely come with a complimentary matching outfit, which is a missed opportunity for fashion diplomacy!.
• Headline: Union Reaches Agreement on Work Hours. Impact: The union agreeing to arbitration could lead to a future where all disagreements are settled through interpretive dance-offs. Get ready for the Annual Arbitration Dance Festival!. Fact: You know you're in a thrilling negotiation when the highlight is a boring arbitration. Truly riveting stuff!.
• Headline: Farm Mobilization Ordered. Impact: Mobilizing city dwellers into the fields could have inadvertently sparked a new trend in agrarian chic, where urbanites cultivate tomatoes in their backyard while sipping lattes—because who doesn't love a good brunch?. Fact: In case you were wondering, nothing says 'I care about the environment' quite like a city dweller planting a few herbs in a window box while ignoring the larger agricultural crisis..
• Headline: Soviet Said to Get Dollars. Impact: If the Soviets had been swimming in dollars, they might have invested in a new line of vodka called 'Dollar-ovka.' The world might have collectively lost its taste for vodka in the process. Imagine the horrors!. Fact: They say money can't buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of vodka. Just ask the Russians!.
• Headline: PARLEY IN SEOUL SHAPES NEW BLOC; Nine Asian-Pacific Nations Work on Organization to Resist China's Marxism PARLEY IN SEOUL SHAPES NEW BLOC. Impact: The formation of a new bloc could've led to a time where all Asian-Pacific nations had to coordinate their lunch breaks to prevent accidental cross-contamination of cultures. Who knew lunch could be so political?. Fact: It's funny how nations come together to resist something, and yet still can't agree on what to order for lunch. Priorities, people!.
• Headline: LAOTIAN AIR CHIEF IS FIGHTING OUSTER; Independent-Minded Officer Recalled From Base. Impact: The ousting of the air chief could lead to a future where all military decisions are made via Twitter polls. 'Should we bomb? Vote now!' Welcome to the 21st century!. Fact: Military hierarchies are great, but nothing beats a good ol' Twitter feud to settle who's in charge. #AirForceDrama!.