MAY 13, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Douglas Joins Hilton Board of Directors. Impact: Douglas somehow convinces Hilton to invest in time travel technology, leading to a future where everyone vacations in the 1800s, only to find that the beds are as uncomfortable as ever.. Fact: D.W. Douglas Jr. once tried to get a hotel chain to serve breakfast in bed... but they thought he meant 'breakfast in the 1800s.'.
• Headline: West Germany's First Satellite Initiative. Impact: This satellite launch leads to the creation of a new reality show, 'Space Bachelors,' where contestants compete for love among the stars, causing a surge in intergalactic matchmaking services.. Fact: Germany’s first satellite was named 'The Bachelor', but it never found a date. Space is a lonely place!.
• Headline: Major Bookmaking Operation Cracked Down. Impact: The arrests lead to a mini-revolution in the bookie world, where housewives become the ultimate underground betting agents, inadvertently inspiring the 'Housewives of Nassau County' reality show.. Fact: Who knew that housewives could double as bookies? The PTA meetings just got a lot more interesting..
• Headline: ERNEST T. GARDNER, RUTGERS EXECUTIVE. Impact: Ernest T. Gardner’s election leads to an unprecedented focus on academic excellence, which later results in the first-ever university to offer a degree in 'Advanced Procrastination'.. Fact: Gardner was known for his impressive collection of staplers. Truly, the man who could hold it all together..
• Headline: Medal Arrives 72 Years Late. Impact: Receiving his medal 72 years late sparks a global trend of delayed recognition, leading to a future where everyone is constantly expecting awards for things they did in kindergarten.. Fact: Reginald Bradley was so patient that he once waited 100 years for his favorite TV show to get revived. Spoiler: it didn't..
• Headline: Russian Technicians at Aswan Stick to Work and Shun Politics. Impact: The Russian technicians' decision to avoid politics leads to a sudden rise in dam-building competitions, eventually resulting in a reality show called 'Dam It All!'. Fact: Turns out, the Russians were just there for the free food. Politics? Nah, just give us the borscht..
• Headline: Plan for Panel to Oversee C.I.A. Passes Senate Committee Test; A C.I.A. CHECKREIN WINS SENATE TEST.