APRIL 29, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Credit Squeeze and Gold Supply Decline. Impact: This event caused a financial chain reaction leading to the invention of 'emergency credit cards' in the 1980s, where people could borrow money they didn't have to buy things they didn't need, thus creating the world's first 'buy now, regret later' economy.. Fact: Did you know that the first credit card was issued in 1950? It took only 16 years for the system to spiral into chaos, proving that humans have always been bad at managing money..
• Headline: Spy Admission Error in Canada Revealed. Impact: This blunder led to an increase in 'Oops, I Did It Again' spy movies and the popularization of the phrase 'mistakes were made,' which then influenced a generation of politicians to adopt it as their go-to excuse.. Fact: In a twist of irony, the very act of letting a spy into Canada resulted in an increase in Canadian bacon production. Apparently, spies love breakfast..
• Headline: PRESIDENT URGES CONGRESS TO BAN ALL HOUSING BIAS; Message Also Asks Stronger Criminal Laws to Protect Civil Rights Workers CALLS FOR JURY REFORM Housing Plan Is Expected to Meet Stiff Opposition Ervin Criticizes It Johnson Calls on Congress to Ban All Housing Bias. Impact: This push for civil rights legislation eventually led to the formation of neighborhood watch groups, which ironically resulted in more bias as people turned into their own versions of vigilante housing inspectors.. Fact: Civil rights movements often face opposition, but did you know that a significant number of those opposers have no idea what they're actually opposing? The irony is delicious..
• Headline: Glad Rags Triumphs In Rich British Stakes. Impact: Glad Rags' victory led to a surge in horse racing popularity, inspiring the phrase 'you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it win,' which baffled equestrians for decades.. Fact: Horse racing is one of the few sports where the competitors are too busy eating grass to care about the outcome. Talk about taking it easy!.
• Headline: U.S. Trying to Limit Arms Race Between Indians and Pakistanis; U.S. SEEKS TO CURB INDIAN ARMS RACE. Impact: The attempt to limit the arms race led to the rise of diplomatic relations, resulting in the creation of awkward dinner parties where world leaders discuss nuclear strategies over cold appetizers.. Fact: The arms race is like a really bad game of poker, where no one knows when to fold. Spoiler: the stakes are world peace..
• Headline: Dean of L.I.U. Unit Named. Impact: The appointment of a new dean led to a series of increasingly eccentric academic policies, culminating in the infamous 'mandatory pajama day' for students, which ironically increased attendance.. Fact: Becoming a dean is like being elected to the board of a secret club where the only qualification is a willingness to wear tweed and attend endless meetings..
• Headline: FARMER OF HAWKS TO COACH BULLETS. Impact: This unexpected coaching hire resulted in a new trend of using animal-themed coaching strategies, leading to the infamous 'Hawk Tactics' playbook that actually encouraged players to physically flap their arms.. Fact: Basketball coaching is the only profession where you can yell at grown adults to 'be more like a hawk' and not get a one-way ticket to the loony bin..
• Headline: Building Demand Rises in Quarter; BUILDING DEMAND RISES IN QUARTER. Impact: The rise in building demand ultimately led to the construction of way too many strip malls, giving rise to the modern-day crisis of 'where did all the small businesses go?'. Fact: Building demand is basically just a fancy way of saying 'we're running out of space to put our stuff, so let’s build more stuff!'.