MARCH 14, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Soviet Merchant Fleet Ranking Rises. Impact: The Soviet Union claiming to have the 6th largest fleet motivated a global arms race, resulting in the world's first fleet of inflatable submarines. Yes, they were all the rage at children's birthday parties.. Fact: The only thing that actually sank was their credibility when they tried to launch a fleet of balloons instead of ships..
• Headline: Councilman Opposes Police File Disclosure. Impact: The controversy over police files being available on TV led to a series of crime shows that relied on completely fabricated evidence, resulting in the rise of 'Reality TV' crime series, where the only crime was how bad the acting was.. Fact: If only we could see the police files on the number of terrible crime shows that followed; they’d probably need a whole new season..
• Headline: DISTRICTING PLAN ALMOST FINISHED; DEADLINE TONIGHT; Bronx, Westchester, Monroe Called 'Problems' Panel Busy Over the Weekend DISTRICTING PLAN ALMOST FINISHED. Impact: The deadline for the districting plan pushed local politicians to become even more creative in drawing district lines, leading to some of the most absurdly shaped districts, including the famous 'Doughnut District' where the only residents were bakers.. Fact: If you think districting is confusing now, just wait until they start adding in the shapes of their favorite pizza toppings!.
• Headline: Lee Meriwether Is Dead at 103; Lawyer, Author and Politician. Impact: Lee Meriwether's passing marked the end of an era, but it also led to a temporary spike in lawyer-themed movies, inspiring a generation of wannabe attorneys to pursue a career in 'courtroom drama'.. Fact: She lived to 103, which is impressive until you realize she spent 20 of those years arguing with her kids about whether to watch the news or a soap opera..
• Headline: Students Urge Boycott of Bank Over Branches in South Africa. Impact: The student-led boycott of the bank established a trend of 'socially conscious banking', which would eventually lead to banks offering loans based on your Instagram followers instead of your credit score.. Fact: It's funny how a bunch of students boycotting a bank led to a rise in ethical banking—because nothing says 'I care' like a loan with a side of virtue signaling..
• Headline: Belgium's Liberals Agree To Coalition With Catholics. Impact: The coalition between Belgium's Liberals and Catholics opened the door for other countries to try weird political combinations, like 'Bacon and Tofu Party', which surprisingly gained traction among breakfast lovers.. Fact: Belgium's politics are so complicated that even their waffles have more layers than their government structure..
• Headline: MAXWELL GOLBURGH. Impact: Maxwell Golburgh's name being mentioned in the news inspired a generation of people to change their names to something more interesting, leading to a rise in names like 'Ziggy Stardust' and 'Gandalf the Grey' in official documents.. Fact: Maxwell Golburgh? Sounds like someone who would be the lead in a movie about a guy who accidentally becomes a cult leader..