FEBRUARY 20, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Testing Durable-Press for Linen Fabrics. Impact: If the Durable-Press Process had failed, we might still be ironing our linens in 2023. Imagine the chaos of wrinkled tablecloths at dinner parties, leading to the Great Linen Revolt of 1978—dinner guests demanding their rights for wrinkle-free dining.. Fact: Durable-press fabrics are a dream come true for anyone who hates laundry. Ironing? More like a relic of the past, like rotary phones and the idea of using a map..
• Headline: Cost-Effective Auto-Savings Plan Proposed. Impact: This plan to save $400,000 might have rippled through time to inspire future politicians to cut costs by firing essential staff—leading to the eventual rise of the 'Drive Yourself to the City Hall' campaign in 2045.. Fact: In a shocking twist, this plan led to city officials discovering that walking is, in fact, an option. Who knew saving money could also promote fitness?.
• Headline: Pathet Lao's Military Struggles Unveiled. Impact: The decline of the Pathet Lao could be seen as the butterfly that flapped its wings and led to the rise of a karaoke revolution in Laos, where instead of military parades, they now celebrate with singing contests.. Fact: Fun fact: The word 'Pathet' means 'country' in Lao, which is ironic since they seemed to be losing their country faster than a pair of socks in a dryer..
• Headline: THE NEWS OF THE WEEK IN REVIEW; Vietnam Questions What Is The U.S. Stake? How Broad Is President's Mandate? What Should Be The U.S. Goal? What Military Strategy? Will China Intervene? Is the Debate Itself Injurious? Pressures For Peace. Impact: The endless questioning about U.S. involvement in Vietnam led to an entire generation of armchair analysts who still think their opinion on military strategy matters—thank you, internet.. Fact: Did you know that this debate inspired countless coffee shop discussions? A trend that persists to this day, where everyone is a military expert but can't even fold a fitted sheet..
• Headline: Gray Is First in Speed Skating; U.S. Star Captures 500-Meter Event in Record Time GRAY OF U.S. WINS IN SPEED SKATING. Impact: Gray's record-breaking win could have sparked a speed skating craze that led to the invention of speed skating rollerblades, resulting in urban skirmishes in every city park.. Fact: Gray's victory was celebrated with a parade of speed skaters who accidentally skated into the wrong venue—where they were mistaken for a performance art piece about modern life..
• Headline: INLAND PORT TO GET SEAPORT REGISTRY. Impact: The inland port's claim to seaport status may have inspired future inland ports to create bizarre marketing campaigns, leading to the rise of 'land-locked' beach vacation experiences.. Fact: Because nothing says 'ocean' quite like a barge filled with iron pipes stuck in a swampy estuary. Just add sunscreen and pretend!.
• Headline: For Utah, the Old West Is Fading Fast. Impact: As the Old West faded, a new wave of hipster cowboys emerged, trading in their lassos for organic farming practices and artisanal cheese, reshaping Utah’s identity.. Fact: In a shocking twist, the 'Old West' now refers to a series of overpriced brunch spots featuring cowboy-themed decor and gluten-free pancakes..
• Headline: HUNGARY REVEALS WAVE OF ARRESTS; Charges of a Plot Believed to Reflect Growing Unrest Over Price Increases HUNGARY REVEALS WAVE OF ARRESTS. Impact: The wave of arrests in Hungary could have been the catalyst for a new form of protest: silent disco protests where people danced in defiance of authority without uttering a word.. Fact: You know it's serious when even priests get involved. They say it was all just to get a better deal on the church’s weekly bingo night..
• Headline: DEMAND FOR POWER FROM T.V.A. AT PEAK. Impact: The peak power demand led to the invention of the power nap—because who doesn’t need a quick snooze during peak productivity hours?. Fact: Little did they know, peak demand would eventually just mean binge-watching your favorite series on Netflix with no regard for power conservation. Thanks, T.V.A.!.