FEBRUARY 11, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Understanding Article 9 of the Japanese Constitution. Impact: The lack of a title for Article 9 led to a centuries-long debate about what it could have been about, resulting in a thriving industry of conspiracy theories ranging from 'it was a recipe for soup' to 'the secret to eternal youth.'. Fact: Sometimes, no title is better than a bad title. Just ask any writer who's struggled with naming their cat.
• Headline: CITY LEADERS JOIN IN PLEA AT ALBANY FOR FINANCIAL AID; Lindsay Backed by O'Connor and Procaccino in Stress on 'Desperate' Need SENATORS PESSIMISTIC More School Funds Sought Return of Part of Tax on Racing Is Urged CITY LEADERS JOIN IN APPEAL FOR AID. Impact: This plea for financial aid set off a chain reaction of city leaders holding hands in prayer circles, which ultimately led to the first 'Politicians for Change' support group where they just complained about their jobs. Fact: When politicians plead for financial aid, they often forget that adding more tax on racing doesn’t actually make the horses run faster.
• Headline: Chicago Opens Campaign Against Slum Landlords. Impact: The crackdown on slum landlords resulted in many moving to the suburbs, where they became suburban landlords, proving that bad practices can just as easily be relocated as people. Fact: Chicago’s slum landlords were the original hipsters—always moving to the next trendy neighborhood before it became too popular.
• Headline: FAMINE AID SPURS NEW CHURCH UNITY; World Council and Vatican Act on India and Africa Ecumenical Gain Seen FAMINE AID SPURS NEW CHURCH UNITY. Impact: This newfound unity led to a surge in church potlucks, where the real competition wasn’t spiritual enlightenment but who made the best casserole. Fact: Ecumenical movements are great until you realize that everyone has different recipes for the same dish—things can get heated.
• Headline: DE PAUW SAYS REDS 'INFILTRATE' CHURCH. Impact: This allegation led to an unexpected rise in church attendance, as people flocked to see if the Reds were really there taking notes on the sermon. Fact: If there’s anything that can unite people, it’s the fear of communists infiltrating their Sunday service. Good luck trying to find a seat!.
• Headline: TEAGUE SEEKS BAN ON WAR PROTESTS. Impact: Teague’s proposal inspired a plethora of ironic t-shirts promoting peace that were ironically worn at protests that he wanted to ban, making him the unintentional mascot of the movement. Fact: Banning protests is a great way to ensure that they happen—just ask any teenager about their parents trying to enforce a curfew.
• Headline: FILIBUSTER FOES LOSE SENATE FIGHT; Failure to Close Debate Kills Drive to Drop Labor Curb. Impact: The filibuster fight resulted in an influx of coffee sales in the Senate, as senators realized that talking endlessly could be their new cardio routine. Fact: Filibusters are like bad relationships: they go on forever and nobody really knows how to end them.