JANUARY 19, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rudolf C. van den Elsakker's Legacy. Impact: Had van den Elsakker not been so obsessed with metals, we might have never invented the modern paper clip. Imagine a world without the paper clip—chaos, I tell you!. Fact: Rudolf's last name is so long that it requires its own zip code..
• Headline: Wild Rivers System Bill Advances in Senate. Impact: The Senate's approval of the Wild Rivers System led to an unexpected spike in canoe sales. Paddling enthusiasts now blame their chronic back pain on this historic decision.. Fact: You know you're in trouble when the House of Representatives resembles a weather forecast—always cloudy with a chance of indecision..
• Headline: Bribery Case Indictment Revived. Impact: Reviving the indictment set a precedent that paved the way for future politicians to become experts in dodging accountability—who knew bribery could be so educational?. Fact: Bribery, in some circles, is considered just another form of 'networking'..
• Headline: LINER WILL VISIT HAIFA AND ARABS; Roosevelt Includes Israel on Middle East Cruise. Impact: This cruise line decision caused a ripple effect leading to the first-ever travel guidebook that included 'heavily protested destinations'. Truly groundbreaking.. Fact: The ship’s motto was, 'No one gets left behind—unless they’re in the middle of a protest.'.
• Headline: Court Asked to Let Birmingham Pupils Join Rights Protest. Impact: Allowing pupils to join protests sparked a nationwide debate on children's rights, leading to the creation of the world's first 'School of Activism'—complete with a lunch menu featuring 'Justice Sandwiches'.. Fact: Kids protesting for their rights have historically shown more organization than Congress during budget discussions..
• Headline: MEYER TARLOWE. Impact: Meyer Tarlowe’s existence somehow led to the creation of a popular board game based on his life, where players navigate the treacherous waters of mundane existence. Spoiler: Everyone loses.. Fact: Meyer’s name is so unique that spellcheck often gives up trying to correct it..
• Headline: Robert M. O'Farrell Dies; Ex-Aide of Jersey Standard. Impact: O'Farrell's passing served as a reminder that even those in the shadows of the powerful eventually succumb to the great equalizer—time, and that good old-fashioned mortality.. Fact: O'Farrell was once quoted saying 'The only thing standard about Jersey is the weather.'.
• Headline: Pearson Seeks More Funds for Canadian Schools. Impact: This funding request led to a nationwide treasure hunt for loose change, unearthing a hidden stash of forgotten educational dreams across the country.. Fact: In Canada, 'education' is seen as a national pastime—right after hockey and apologizing..
• Headline: Express Bus Swift In Test on 5th Ave.; 5TH AND MADISON TEST EXPRESS BUS. Impact: The express bus testing caused a traffic jam so epic it inspired a new genre of urban poetry: 'Ode to the Stuck Commuter'.. Fact: They say the express bus was so fast that it almost made the traffic lights cry in jealousy..