JANUARY 17, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Coal Industry Efficiency Gains in 1965. Impact: When the coal industry decided to maximize output with fewer workers, it inadvertently set off a chain reaction leading to the rise of robots. Now, instead of coal miners, we have robots that can do the Macarena while they excavate. Thanks, coal efficiency!. Fact: Did you know that in 1965, coal miners were probably thinking they’d be replaced by machines? Little did they know it would be a reality, and those machines wouldn't even need coffee breaks..
• Headline: International Loans Highlights of 1965. Impact: International loans during this time created a web of financial dependencies that would eventually lead to countries needing bailouts and the birth of 'financial experts' who can 'fix everything'—if you pay them enough.. Fact: Did you know that international loans are basically like borrowing sugar from your neighbor but with a lot more paperwork and way more consequences?.
• Headline: Johnson Family Attends Church Service. Impact: The Johnsons attending church sparked a nationwide trend of politicians trying to appear more relatable, leading to countless awkward photo ops at BBQs and pancake breakfasts in the decades to follow.. Fact: Did you know that politicians going to church is like a catwalk for them? They strut in, say a few prayers, and hope it makes them look good for the cameras..
• Headline: Nation's Daily Need for Oil Due to Rise by 300,000 Barrels; FOREIGN OUTLOOK ALSO OPTIMISTIC Depressed Prices Overseas Hold Down Profits but Upturn Has Begun. Impact: The rise in oil demand led to an obsession with fossil fuels, which would eventually cause a mild existential crisis for humanity as we realized we were basically living in a giant gas station.. Fact: Did you know that in 1965, they were so optimistic about oil prices that they probably thought they'd never see electric cars? Spoiler alert: they were wrong..
• Headline: Arrival of Out-of-Town Buyers in the New York City Market; ARRIVAL OF BUYERS. Impact: The influx of out-of-town buyers created a fashion frenzy that would lead to the creation of countless ‘must-have’ items, making it possible for people to spend money on overpriced jeans that look like they were run over by a truck.. Fact: Did you know that this was the year when men’s suits became a fashion statement and not just what you wore to avoid getting kicked out of your own wedding?.
• Headline: Haitian Held Here In Killing of Woman Over Voodoo Curse. Impact: This unfortunate killing over a voodoo curse opened up a Pandora's box of cultural misunderstandings, leading to generations of people thinking they could curse their exes with just a flick of a wrist.. Fact: Did you know that voodoo curses are not actually covered by most health insurance plans? Guess those curses really do come with a price..
• Headline: Shuttlesworth Quits Church, Heads New One in Cincinnati. Impact: The split in the church led to the creation of more sects than you can shake a stick at, which ultimately resulted in a buffet of beliefs that confused everyone while making potlucks much more interesting.. Fact: Did you know that church splits often lead to more factions than a political debate? At least everyone gets to pick their favorite flavor of faith..
• Headline: Article 10 -- No Title; Cities of Nation in Crisis Year: Budget Gap Continues to Grow. Impact: The growing budget gap due to middle-class exodus set the stage for suburban sprawl, which would eventually lead to the development of malls, fast food, and the eternal struggle of trying to find parking.. Fact: Did you know that the suburban exodus was basically the ‘Great Escape’ for families who wanted to swap city life for more grass, more space, and more reasons to complain about traffic?.
• Headline: Brazil Is Rolling Back the Amazon Jungle; AMAZON JUNGLE IS ROLLING BACK. Impact: The deforestation of the Amazon for highways set a course for environmental disasters that would lead to global warming discussions—because who doesn't love a good crisis to unite everyone?. Fact: Did you know that rolling back the Amazon jungle was less about progress and more about ensuring that future generations had plenty of reasons to protest? Thanks, 1965!.
• Headline: BARNES SUGGESTS EXPRESS BUS RUNS; Says One-Way Traffic Flow Will Permit New Service on Fifth and Madison Barnes Suggests Express Bus Runs. Impact: The suggestion for express bus routes would eventually lead to an explosion of public transit systems worldwide, which ironically would make commuting both faster and more frustrating at the same time.. Fact: Did you know that suggesting bus routes is like suggesting a diet plan? Everyone's on board until the first delays hit and then it’s all about the complaints..