JANUARY 1, 1966

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chemical Society Welcomes New President. Impact: Dr. W. J. Sparks taking office led to a surge in chemistry puns at dinner parties nationwide, resulting in an increased interest in chemistry among teenagers, who mistakenly thought it involved fewer equations and more explosions. Fact: Fun fact: The Chemical Society once tried to create a fragrance called 'Eau de Test Tube'—it didn't sell well.
• Headline: Phosphates and Tooth Decay Research. Impact: The initial success of phosphates led to a nationwide trend of kids demanding pizza with 'extra phosphates' as a health food, believing it would prevent cavities while simultaneously making their pizzas taste like chalk. Fact: Ironically, the most enthusiastic supporters of phosphates were rats—who also wanted parental approval for their dental hygiene.
• Headline: Revitalizing Lower Manhattan's Circulation Plans. Impact: The planning committee's vision for lower Manhattan resulted in a complex web of traffic schemes that eventually led to the invention of the world's first urban yoga class—because who wouldn't want to meditate in gridlock?. Fact: In a shocking twist, the original plan for lower Manhattan included a giant hamster wheel for commuters—thankfully, that idea rolled away.
• Headline: Alfred Rowe, 61, Lawyer and Jersey Masonic Leader. Impact: Rowe’s leadership in the Masonic community inspired a new trend in secret handshakes, leading to an international crisis where grocery store clerks had to learn over 50 different secret codes. Fact: Some say Alfred Rowe was the first lawyer to successfully argue that his secret society was just a really exclusive book club.
• Headline: 'TENT CITY' RISING IN ALABAMA FIELD; Negroes Say Landlords Oust Them for Voter Drive. Impact: The establishment of 'Tent City' became a pivotal moment in the civil rights movement, inspiring future generations to understand that sometimes you have to pitch a tent to make your voice heard—literally. Fact: Tent City wasn’t just a place for activists; it also became a surprisingly popular camping spot for local raccoons who were very curious about voter registration.
• Headline: CHARLES STRICKLER, EX-AIDE OF BORDEN'S. Impact: Strickler's exit from Borden’s led to a massive decline in milk moustache ads, as the company scrambled to find a new spokesperson who could look as convincing while they were drinking milk. Fact: Strickler once tried to pitch a new dairy product called 'Not Borden's'—it didn’t go very far.
• Headline: FISCHER RETAINS U.S. CHESS TITLE; He Beats Dr. Burger to Win Record 7th Championship. Impact: Bobby Fischer’s continued dominance in chess inspired a generation of kids to start playing board games, inadvertently leading to a rise in the popularity of competitive potato sack races as a counter-culture phenomenon. Fact: Fischer once famously remarked that the only thing harder than chess was deciding what to order for dinner without a chessboard handy.
• Headline: THE OATH IS TAKEN; Ceremony at City Hall Marks Major Shift of Political Power LINDSAY SWORN IN AS MAYOR OF CITY. Impact: Lindsay's swearing-in ceremony set a precedent for future mayors to have increasingly extravagant inaugurations, leading to the bizarre trend of mayors arriving on unicycles or through elaborate musical numbers. Fact: The decision to hold the ceremony in the afternoon instead of midnight was initially met with some confusion—many thought it was a plot twist in a political thriller.