DECEMBER 26, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Winter Golf: Challenging the Elements. Impact: The rise of winter golf led to the creation of heated golf clubs, which eventually sparked a trend in heated everything, including heated debates about why humans are still playing golf in the winter. Fact: Did you know that winter golf is just an excuse for golfers to complain about the weather while still pretending they're really 'working on their swing'?.
• Headline: Kansas City Hilton Hotel Project Moves Forward. Impact: The construction of the Hilton Hotel and Convention Center led to a massive influx of business conferences, which ultimately resulted in a nationwide shortage of bad coffee and awkward small talk. Fact: Kansas City: where you can find a convention for just about anything, including the world's largest gathering of people discussing the merits of barbecue sauce.
• Headline: Valchem Gains Under Executive Leadership. Impact: The VP's decision to buy into Valchem led to the company's meteoric rise, which created a ripple effect that resulted in an army of overly enthusiastic business school graduates believing they could also become millionaires overnight. Fact: It’s amazing how a single executive’s decision can change lives—mostly by inspiring countless others to write 'motivational' quotes on LinkedIn.
• Headline: Land-Water Route Study Is Completed by Brazilians. Impact: The study paved the way for improved transport access to the Amazon, leading to a surge in tourism, which caused a spike in environmentally conscious travel brochures—because nothing says 'I care about the planet' like a selfie with a toucan. Fact: The Amazon River is so big that you can fit the entire country of France in it—and still have room for a few tourists looking for the perfect Instagram shot.
• Headline: Long A.T. & T. Rate Hearing Seen; Most Hopeful View Sees F.C.C. Study Lasting 2 Years Hearings on American Telephone Rates Could Drag On for Years, Observers Say F.C.C. DECISION POSES PROBLEMS Most Hopeful View Predicts Study by the Government Will Last 2 Years. Impact: The prolonged hearings about telephone rates became a case study for procrastination, ultimately influencing future generations to schedule meetings that could have been emails. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing longer than the A.T. & T. hearings was the list of complaints about how long they took.
• Headline: TRAFFIC MARK SET ON THE TENNESSEE; Record for Freight Tonnage Broken 4th Year in Row. Impact: The increase in freight tonnage on the Tennessee River led to a new appreciation for rivers, ultimately resulting in a trend where people began naming their children after waterways. Welcome to the world, Mississippi River Smith!. Fact: The Tennessee River is so busy that it probably has more traffic than some major highways—at least the fish are getting their share of the action!.
• Headline: U.S. and Japan Near Accord On Air Link Via New York. Impact: The air link agreement between the U.S. and Japan fostered cultural exchanges that eventually led to sushi being served in gas stations, which is truly the pinnacle of culinary fusion. Fact: The idea of a direct air link was revolutionary—now you can go from sushi to hot dogs in a matter of hours, truly the American dream!.
• Headline: Paperbacks: Art Appreciation. Impact: The rise of paperback art appreciation books led to the widespread belief that one could become an expert in art simply by reading a book on the subway, thus creating a new breed of art critics who know just enough to sound smart at parties. Fact: You know you’ve reached peak hipster when your coffee table is more about art paperbacks than actual coffee—because who needs caffeine when you can have pretentious conversations?.