OCTOBER 29, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: EFTA's Strategic Hands-Off Approach. Impact: If the Outer Seven had actually succeeded in their hands-off policy, the EEC might have become a serene utopia, leading to a world where everyone sits around sipping herbal tea instead of arguing about trade agreements. Unfortunately, they decided to just watch instead of act, and here we are—still arguing over trade agreements. Fact: The Outer Seven sounds like a superhero team that forgot to put on their capes and just decided to stand around instead.
• Headline: Chrysler Sees Record Earnings Surge. Impact: Chrysler's soaring profits not only led to more cars on the roads but also resulted in an explosion of drive-in theaters and fast food joints. And thus, the American diet began its slow, delicious decline. Fact: Chrysler's profits were so high they could have funded a small moon mission—if only they had thought of it first!.
• Headline: 3D LINE ON BALLOT LOST BY LINDSAY; COURT DIVIDES 4-3; His Independent Party Line to Be Placed at Bottom of Liberals' Column TRICKERY' IS CHARGED Candidate Asserts He Was 'Robbed,' but He Declines to Criticize Judges Lindsay Loses 3d Line on Ballot In 4-3 Court of Appeals Ruling. Impact: Lindsay's ballot loss could be seen as the moment when lawyers decided that politics was more about courtroom battles than actual governance. Who needs democracy when you have litigation?. Fact: The only thing more convoluted than Lindsay's ballot situation was the plot of a soap opera—just with less drama and more paperwork.
• Headline: Chase Manhattan Is Holding Talks With Diners' Club; BANK HOLDS TALKS WITH DINERS' CLUB. Impact: Chase Manhattan's talks with Diners' Club could have led to a world where dinner parties came with a side of credit card offers, revolutionizing social etiquette and leading to the phrase 'You can pay me later' becoming a social norm. Fact: Diners' Club was the original 'buy now, pay later' scheme—because who wouldn’t want to eat and be in debt at the same time?.
• Headline: POPE PAUL PROMULGATES FIVE COUNCIL DOCUMENTS, ONE ABSOLVING THE JEWS; CHANGING CHURCH Decrees Revise Policy and Offer Amity to Other Faiths Pope Paul Promulgates Five Vatican Council Documents, One Absolving the Jews DECREES REFLECT CHANGING CHURCH Revise Policy and Structure and Offer Friendship to Other Great Religions. Impact: Pope Paul's absolution of the Jews might have sparked a centuries-long debate about religious tolerance, leading to the eventual establishment of 'Religious Tolerance Day'—which, ironically, is celebrated with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Fact: This decree was such a big deal that it could have had its own hashtag if Twitter existed back then—#BlessedNotCursed!.
• Headline: Corporate Profits Are Largest in History; CORPORATE PROFIT SETTING RECORDS. Impact: The record corporate profits set a precedent for future CEOs to believe that bigger profits equate to better decisions, paving the way for the modern corporate culture of 'let’s throw money at it and hope for the best.'. Fact: Corporate profits in 1966 were so high that some companies considered investing in actual gold bars instead of just printing their own money.
• Headline: MOSCOW IS WARM TO DE GAULLE AIDE; Couve de Murville Opens Talks With Gromyko Today. Impact: Moscow warming to De Gaulle's aide might have been the first step toward a world where political figures became social media influencers, forever altering the landscape of international relations into something resembling a reality show. Fact: If Gromyko had an Instagram, we might have seen some epic selfies with De Gaulle—#DiplomaticGoals!.
• Headline: CHINA SIGNS DEAL ON CANADA WHEAT; Minimum Sale $200 Million -- Much More Envisioned. Impact: China's wheat deal with Canada could have led to a global 'Wheat Wars' scenario, where nations battled not with weapons but with baked goods—eventually leading to the establishment of the International Bread Federation. Fact: Who knew wheat could be as contentious as international politics? Maybe we should have tried buttering up our leaders instead.
• Headline: Brazil to Form 'Party of Revolution'. Impact: The formation of Brazil's 'Party of Revolution' could have inspired other countries to create political parties based solely on catchy names, leading to a global trend of parties like 'The Party Animals' and 'The Mostly Peaceful Protesters.'. Fact: This was the era where revolutions were more about flair than function—because nothing says 'serious politics' like a party named after an inconsequential event.