OCTOBER 21, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Scholarships and Teacher Corps Established. Impact: The establishment of the Teacher Corps turned classrooms into battlegrounds of educational innovation, leading to a future where teachers are now expected to moonlight as counselors, tech support, and, occasionally, therapists. Thanks, Congress!. Fact: Did you know that the first federal scholarships were basically the government saying, 'Here, have some money, just don't mess up our future too badly?'.
• Headline: Australia's Casualty Rate Compared to U.S.. Impact: Australia's casualty rate being double that of the U.S. led to a worldwide trend of countries competing to see who could have the most dramatic war stories. The prize? A lifetime supply of guilt and a spot on a reality TV show.. Fact: Did you know that 'casualty' is just a fancy word for 'oops' when it comes to war? Let's just hope they were talking about a game of poker..
• Headline: U.N. Unit Debates Racial Discrimination Language. Impact: The U.N. deciding to omit 'ism' from its statement was like deciding to hold a wedding without the bride or groom—awkward and ultimately pointless. This paved the way for future debates that were just as convoluted.. Fact: Did you know that ‘ism’ is now the most popular thing to avoid discussing at parties? It’s almost as if everyone collectively agreed to just stick to the weather..
• Headline: OHIO SENATOR SCANS C.I.A. VIETNAM ACTS. Impact: Ohio Senator's scrutiny of CIA actions in Vietnam opened a Pandora's box of governmental secrets, leading to future generations believing that every time a politician raises an eyebrow, a secret is born.. Fact: Did you know that the CIA has so many denials on file that they could probably start a library? It's called 'Fiction and Other Lies.'.
• Headline: C.C.N.Y. STUDENTS TO GRADE FACULTY; All Will Be Given a Voice in Rating Instruction. Impact: C.C.N.Y. students grading faculty sounds like a great idea until you realize that the faculty would start grading students back. This led to a future of competitive grading that makes Olympic sports look like child's play.. Fact: Did you know that grading faculty is just a fancy way of saying, 'I disagree with your teaching method, but I still want to pass your class?'.
• Headline: G.I.'s in Vietnam Bitter at War Protests at Home; Some of the Soldiers Call the Demonstrators Cowards -- Others Blame Press. Impact: G.I.s in Vietnam feeling bitter about war protests at home established a long tradition of veterans being torn between pride and resentment, which has since evolved into every family Thanksgiving dinner since.. Fact: Did you know that calling war protesters cowards is just a clever way of saying, 'I don’t understand why you won't join me in this mess?'.
• Headline: Fried Eggs, Anyone?. Impact: The National Egg Cooking Contest led to the rise of brunch culture, where people now pay exorbitant amounts for avocado toast while still wondering who decided that eggs should be fancy.. Fact: Did you know that fried eggs are the original Pinterest project? Everybody thinks they can do it, but only a few come out looking good..
• Headline: Bus Strike Hurts Colombia. Impact: The bus strike in Colombia was just the first domino in a long line of labor disputes that would eventually lead to the invention of Uber, because who needs public transport when you can summon a car with an app?. Fact: Did you know that every bus driver on strike probably had a side gig as a stand-up comedian? They just couldn't drive home the punchline..