OCTOBER 13, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Atheist Released: Extradition Controversy. Impact: This event led to a dramatic uptick in the number of people questioning the legality of their own beliefs. Eventually, a secret society of atheists formed, leading to the invention of the first-ever 'Atheists for the Preservation of Tacos' group, uniting people across belief systems over a shared love of delicious food.. Fact: Did you know that the legal system is basically just a game of 'who can argue better'? Spoiler alert: it's not the atheists..
• Headline: Mayor's Illness Disrupts City Affairs. Impact: This flu-induced bed rest led to an unexpected rise in local cat adoption rates, as citizens began to question who really runs the town when the mayor is too sick to function. Cats were declared honorary mayors and started issuing edicts on napping and treats.. Fact: Fun fact: Flu season is the only time when politicians are actually considered 'not working.'.
• Headline: A NUCLEAR BOARD FOR NATO PRESSED; U.S. Revives Idea of Small Planning Committee. Impact: This nuclear planning committee eventually led to a secret competition among NATO members to see who could build the most ridiculous doomsday bunker. The winner? A bunker with a gold-plated hot tub and an all-you-can-eat buffet.. Fact: Did you know that planning for nuclear defense is basically just a really high-stakes game of Risk? Except everyone’s afraid of the ‘nuclear option’ and nobody’s having fun..
• Headline: STATE SPEEDS AID TO MENTAL SCHOOL; Governor Orders Increase in Staff for Willowbrook, Which Kennedy Assailed STATE SPEEDS AID TO MENTAL SCHOOL. Impact: This increase in staff at Willowbrook eventually led to a nationwide movement for mental health reform, inspiring a generation of advocates who would later create the first ‘Mental Health Awareness Month’—complete with balloons and awkward conversations.. Fact: The Willowbrook scandal was pivotal in changing how society views mental health, proving that sometimes it takes a scandal to get people to care. Who knew?.
• Headline: Colombia Weighs Increase. Impact: Colombia’s decision to invite more refugees led to an unexpected cultural exchange program that resulted in the first-ever official Colombian Coffee and Empanada Day, celebrated globally—if only because everyone loves food.. Fact: Colombia has more species of birds than any other country in the world. So, inviting more refugees was just a strategy to make sure the birds had more friends..
• Headline: Britain to Appoint An 'Ombudsman'; BRITAIN TO NAME AN 'OMBUDSMAN'. Impact: The creation of the ombudsman role inadvertently led to the rise of a new profession: 'Complaint Whisperers.' These professionals specialize in navigating the bureaucratic maze and helping people complain more effectively, all while sipping tea.. Fact: An ombudsman is basically a ‘professional complainer’ who gets paid to listen to other people complain. Sounds like a dream job for many, right?.
• Headline: EAST SIDE GROUP ASSAILS RENEWAL; Pickets in Capital Against Plan for Cooper Square. Impact: This protest inspired a wave of grassroots movements across the country, leading to the rise of the ‘Picketing Olympics’—where only the most dedicated protestors compete for gold medals in complaining.. Fact: Picketing is just the adult version of throwing a tantrum, but with signs and a lot more walking involved..
• Headline: RUSTIN URGES POLICE TO SEEK CIVILIAN AID. Impact: Rustin’s call for civilian oversight led to the establishment of community watchdog programs, which ultimately resulted in the first-ever ‘Cops and Civilians’ comedy night where everyone learns to laugh at their differences—while also tackling serious issues.. Fact: Did you know that Rustin was a civil rights leader who believed in nonviolence? This wasn’t just a suggestion; it was a lifestyle choice—like being vegan but way more impactful..
• Headline: France to Build 30 Missile Silos. Impact: The construction of missile silos sparked a secret architectural trend in France, where every building was secretly designed to double as a missile silo. It became the chic thing to do—who wouldn’t want a sleek, modern look with a hidden twist?. Fact: France has a long history of military architecture, but let’s be real—designing a missile silo is just a way to ensure that your home is the most fortified on the block..