SEPTEMBER 11, 1965

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mississippi Education Barrier for Out-of-State Youth. Impact: This law not only barred thousands from education but also sparked a nationwide debate on civil rights. Eventually, kids across America would realize they could form underground school clubs that would rival any secret society, leading to a surge in rebellious literature. Who knew education could be so... adventurous?. Fact: In Mississippi, it seems you needed a passport just to attend school if your parents lived out of state. Talk about an elite education system!.
• Headline: Surprises of Latin American Concert Tours. Impact: This tour misadventure led to musicians forming a secret society dedicated to 'Tour Survival Skills'. They created a handbook that included tips on how to bribe venues with tacos. Eventually, this handbook would become a best-seller among tour managers.. Fact: Concerts getting canceled is practically the music industry’s version of a seasonal flu. Spoiler alert: Everyone catches it eventually..
• Headline: Jersey Police Station Introduces Music Over Intercom. Impact: The police station's new intercom system inadvertently turned the precinct into the hottest spot in town. Soon, all police stations across the country began hosting karaoke nights, leading to a nationwide spike in bad renditions of 'I Will Survive'.. Fact: Because nothing says 'law enforcement' like singing 'Bad Boys' while you process paperwork. Who knew crime could be so melodic?.
• Headline: Rutgers Names New College. Impact: The naming of the new college inspired a wave of similar actions across the country, where schools were named after increasingly obscure historical figures. Eventually, every town would have a college named after a squirrel that once crossed the road.. Fact: Naming colleges after governors is basically the academic equivalent of naming a sandwich after someone who once ate there..
• Headline: NEW SCHOOL PACT AVERTS A STRIKE; TERMS APPROVED; Teachers Vote 3,392 to 616 to Take Average Increase of $800 Over 2 Years. Impact: The new school pact not only averted a strike but also inspired teachers to unionize around the world. Soon, classrooms became hotbeds of revolutionary ideas, and students started school-wide campaigns for ice cream Fridays. Because why not?. Fact: Teachers voting to approve a pay raise is like watching a slow-motion victory lap—everyone knows it’s coming, but it still feels great!.
• Headline: LAXITY REPORTED IN JERSEY ASYLUM; Sex Offenders Have Full Run of Greystone Park, Trenton Inquiry Hears LAXITY REPORTED IN JERSEY ASYLUM. Impact: The laxity at the asylum led to a series of horror movie plots that were tragically underfunded. Years later, these stories inspired a new genre: 'Asylum Horror', which ironically turned out to be a hit, making everyone forget the real issues.. Fact: Who knew that convicted sex offenders could throw a better party than half of America? Apparently, Greystone Park was the place to be—if you could get past the legal issues..
• Headline: Screvane Aide Charges Political Flyer Is "Illegal"; Campaign Material Said to Be From Beame Office Is Not Signed. Impact: This political flyer scandal ignited a new trend in campaign strategies: the silent but sneaky approach. Candidates began sending out unsigned materials, which confused voters so much that they started voting for cats instead.. Fact: Political flyers are basically spam emails in paper form. Spoiler alert: They’re still just as annoying!.
• Headline: It's the Youth Kick -- and Age Is No Barrier. Impact: The youth kick phenomenon led to a worldwide obsession with all things 'junior-sized'. This bizarre trend would eventually lead to the miniature versions of everything from cars to houses, resulting in a deep existential crisis about adulthood.. Fact: A junior-size department is like a kid’s dream come true—everything is just a little smaller, including the chances of finding something that actually fits!.
• Headline: Tidewater Drops Suit. Impact: Tidewater dropping the suit turned into a historic moment where companies learned the art of backdoor deals. Suddenly, corporate America was flooded with lawsuits being dropped left and right, leading to a new career path: Professional Lawsuit Dropper.. Fact: When companies drop lawsuits, it’s like they’re breaking up with their legal teams—’It’s not you, it’s the paperwork!’.